A Memo From Santa

[GareyD]

Memo from Santa:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will
no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia,
North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and
Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and
Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I
also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in
mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my
third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares
my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and
Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on
the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin'
coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of
loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's
head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Harrr" And you
also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
sleigh does have Yosemite Sam mud flaps on the back
with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on
34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown
in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss
Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV"
featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way
when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

GareyD and Family wishes everyone a Merry Christmas

[sawguy21]

The guys south of Mason-Dixon might take that real serious like. :D It is funny.

[pasbuild]

I think the news will be well received, heck Bubba is bound to be a cousin or uncle or brother or......................... :D

[Tom_in_Mo.]

Arky, I want Bubba Klaus to come on up here, and when you tell my directions, just tell him to "get-r-done"

[Ed_K]

 I could send Christopher Klaus, but he only does shipping & recieving  ;D.
 Ed Klaus