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Author Topic: Friends and loved ones passing away........  (Read 1428 times)

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Offline Grizzly

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Friends and loved ones passing away........
« on: June 29, 2017, 03:55:54 pm »
I was going to comment in Woodhaulers thread but decided it didn't fit there.

I watched my father-in-law die.........for a year. He developed cancer of the brain and we were all together with him when the surgeon came and told him there was no cure. I remember the pain he suffered as slowly he lost one function after another. It was horrible and was a relief on his behalf when he was able to depart this world. He was 59.

In my troubled teens I spent a rare day out in Dad's backyard clearing stump piles, burning brush, and generally trying to clean things up for him. He was up by the house mowing lawn and generally having a good afternoon. A rare day for me as at that time I was usually up to no good and never at home. Mom was preparing thanksgiving supper for all the family and we were all getting together for the evening. As I was resting in the house late afternoon mom wanted dad woke up from his nap to get ready for supper. I went to their room and found that my dad had departed this life. No warning; nothing. He was 57.

I think my dad's departure was far easier on the family than dad-in-laws. We hurt badly but for a different reason and for a shorter period as we were sharing memories of dad and celebrating his life much sooner. The hurt from dad-in-laws departure carried for quite a time and seemed to make memories harder to share.

Just thoughts I had after reading about Woodhaulers friend.
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Offline Bruno of NH

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2017, 04:31:26 pm »
My Dad died from cancer it took about 6 months it was hard to watch.
He was one of the toughest people I have ever new.To watch him suffer as the cancer took over his functions was hard.He couldn't fight it any longer .
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Offline low_48

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2017, 10:05:16 pm »
A drawn out cancer death is horrible way to go, sorry for your loss. My little brother died at age 48 from colon cancer. He waited too long to see a doctor, not even suspecting colon cancer because of his age. He went through some treatments, hoping to give as much as he could to his two children. In actuality, his life basically ended when treatment started. He was still working when he started feeling rough. But as soon as the treatment started, he could barely even walk out to the truck. He went from a 260 pound bear of a man, to less than 80 pounds in less than a year after diagnosis. IT WAS HORRIBLE! I said good bye to him 2 days before he passed. I'll never forget that day, and the way he looked. You're right, death was merciful, but took too long. There has to be a way to terminate that suffering sooner!

Offline rjwoelk

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2017, 11:52:03 pm »
My dad passed away at 92. From diagnoses  to death 4 weeks. Cancer of the spleen Pancras.  And bone cancer.
He had been looking poorly in fall but it was good Friday in 2004 that he went. Mom is now 97 98 in 4 months .she is one bright  eyed lady.
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Offline Peter Drouin

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2017, 06:08:17 am »
My dad lasted a year with cancer and died in my arms. My brother John died at 7 with cancer.
I guess when the Father wants you, you got to go.
I know If I get cancer, And the doc can cut it out and put it on the table I'll do that.
Other than that, Pete is going to have a party the town will talk about for years. ;D
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Offline coxy

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2017, 12:29:01 pm »
my dad had cancer to he never told us he had but we kind of figured it out he told my aunt at my uncles funeral then 6 months later my mom died from a broken heart  my sister has stomach cancer and her boyfriend wont let any of us see her  because of the trouble we had after my parents died  I shur hope he walks out in front of a train some day  ;D

Offline coxy

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 01:24:14 pm »
well the cancer got my sister yesterday 49 years old  :'( :'( :'( R I P sis

Offline Jim_Rogers

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2017, 06:04:52 pm »
So sorry for your loss
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Offline Chuck White

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2017, 09:08:41 pm »
Always so sad to hear such news!

Condolences sent, Coxy!
~Chuck~
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Offline coxy

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2017, 09:14:47 pm »
thanks everyone     i didn't think it would hit me this hard and the hard part is still to come

Offline thecfarm

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2017, 09:37:15 pm »
coxy,that's way to young. Sad to hear that.
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Offline POSTONLT40HD

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2017, 09:32:34 pm »
Coxy, hang in there Brother. Praying for ya.
I'm thinking......

Offline Busy Beaver Lumber

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2017, 08:45:50 pm »
So sorry to hear of you situation Coxy. I can tell you this from being and EMT for 8 years, no two families handle illness and death the same.

Myself, if i knew i was terminal, i think i would keep it from my wife and kids as long as I could, even till my grave if possible. No sense in making everyone as miserable is I could imagine I would feel inside. But i totally understand people that go the other way and lean on family for support.

This has been an absolutely horrid year for our family in terms of deaths. Three of my step daughter share the same father and he was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and passed away back in May several months after being diagnosed. Then we had a niece die of sids, and two twin brothers, age 26 commit suicide one month apart, and now their mothers health has taken a turn for the worse in her late 40's.  Got so bad we were afraid to answer the phone for fear of more bad news.

But time cures all ills and this two will pass. My prayers are with you and your family
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Offline coxy

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2017, 08:56:22 pm »
wow sorry to hear all the bad things that's happened to your family  I'm doing ok I just cant stand her BF him and I are going to go at it one day if I see him just going down the road I start shaking and get that hot sanction some day it will happen  :)

Offline Stoneyacrefarm

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2017, 11:55:02 pm »
Coxy,
Sorry for your loss.
As far as the boyfriend.
Let him go. It's not worth your time to bother with him.
I went thru the same type thing when my father passed.
I had to just let it go.
Worked better for me.
Good luck.

Offline Thilo

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2017, 08:34:59 am »
I am quite new here and stumbled upon by chance on this post. I am very sorry for anyone who has lost someone who is important to them. My grandmother also died of cancer last year, and it was very bad to see her suffer. So I can understand you and wish you much strength in this difficult time.  :'(

Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2017, 09:02:24 am »
A friend and neighbor for 25 years has terminal liver cancer. He has a tennis ball size tumor on the main artery going to his liver.

Been in and out of the hospital several times to have his belly drained and tests. In the past couple weeks they have taken out 28 liters of fluid. Doc told us yesterday he's looking at 2 months at the most and there's nothing to be done but call hospice and try to make the rest of his days comfortable. He wants to stay at home but I don't think that will last long as now things are happening I am not able to deal with. As a care giver I'm lacking.

He's got nobody but me that won't steal his meds so I've been taking him to his appointments, bringing him food which he doesn't eat and sitting with him. His dream was /is to ride to Colorado and die in the mountains. We talk about taking that ride but that's not going to happen as he can hardly stand without help.
A year ago he was a 240 lb bad axe 1%er now he's 130 skin, bones with a giant stomach from the fluid buildup,  sleeps most of the time and because of the ammonia buildup is having memory/mental issues.
Doc loaded him up with morphine and Oxycontin pills yesterday and told me if he wants to take extra let him it's not going to matter.
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Offline sandhills

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2017, 09:38:23 am »
Cancer just plain stinks, we've dealt with and deal with our share also.  Coxy I'm sorry to hear about your sister, you have our thoughts and prayers and I also agree with forgetting about the boyfriend, he isn't worth the time.
Bill, keep up the good work, we spent a lot of time with a good friend much the same, at that time my wife was still a nurse and would stay with him at night every once in awhile to give his wife a break.  He was a veitnam vet and had a lot of late night talks with my wife, things his family never got to hear, he needed to get it off his chest I think.  You're there for your friend and that's what matters now.
Peter we had a good friend/neighbor that everyone knew and loved die of pancreatic cancer, before he went he rented the community building in town, paid for all the food and drinks, said no funeral just a party.  After his death the immediate family had a small service, that night the entire town and folks from others were at his party, everyone was allowed to get up and tell stories etc. it was quite a tribute to the man he was.  No one knew he'd set that all up.

Offline Grizzly

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2017, 11:40:05 am »
Why can't doctors accept that folks die? Seems like they always want to diagnose old folks with something that just might be curable and lead to longer life. I'm not saying we shouldn't try and keep our old folks with us but sometimes old age is just that. Old age.

My wife's stepdad is getting old and they test and test wearing him out but still can't find anything wrong. Well duh! There isn't any one specific thing wrong. The body as a whole is done and beginning the departure trip. It's been good to know him and he's done good things for the family but I don't want to see him endlessly looking for a cure from old age. Take your rest, it's been a well fought war and well lived life.

And just an encouragement to those that are caregivers. Don't give up or say your not capable. You're doing what no one else can do and that is being a trustworthy friend and aid giver.
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Offline Autocar

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Re: Friends and loved ones passing away........
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2017, 07:17:29 pm »
Sorry to hear about everyone's loss and prayers your way coxy. I talked to a fellow this evening telling me his wife and himself has a doctor apointment every day the rest of this month. I praise God every day for my health so many times we take tomarrow for granted.
Bill