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Author Topic: need a  (Read 874 times)

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Offline coxy

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need a
« on: May 13, 2017, 05:22:14 pm »
little help ladies  and gents  4 years ago my parents passed away 6 month from one another  anyway after my mom passed with in 10min my sister and her scumbag boy friend robbed my moms bank account there was only 300 bucks in there but its the point I had them locked up and her removed from my property that was left to me my parents always gave her everything she wanted (she is older than I) bought her a home she lost it moved back in with them she was a drunk and a druggie  she took a lot of my parents things in the process of the eviction some I didn't care others like pic I would have liked to make copys of them  the other day I got told she has organ cancer  I or my kids haven't talked to her in 4 years  my oldest girl get a number for the hospital she is at and calls her well it didn't go over so good and she told my daughter to go blank her self there are some people telling me to talk to her but I don't have anything to say she took her bf over her family on a vary bad day    I would like to know am I doing the right thing or should I swallow my pride and call her  any help would be great  sorry for the long post but wanted to tell you what happened

Online Bruno of NH

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Re: need a
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2017, 05:33:17 pm »
Don't do any thing you will regret at latter date.
She is your family .
I know it hard.
Bruno
thomas 8013 mill ,Mahindra 3540 cab tractor loader  Dump trailer  and lot of contracting tools

Offline Stoneyacrefarm

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Re: need a
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2017, 06:38:57 pm »
Coxy.
I went through a similar family issue when my father passed away 12 years ago.
We were very close.
I'm not one to pull any punches with I how I feel. Can't do it.
It will eat me up inside.
I walked away from a brother and 2 sisters over their money squabbles.
Too large to go into details.
Do what makes you feel best.
It's a hard decision. 
Don't let it eat you up.
If it's too stressful dealing with her then don't.
Good luck with whatever you do.

Offline Chuck White

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Re: need a
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2017, 09:38:38 pm »
You'll be in my prayers and thoughts, Coxy!
~Chuck~
Retired USAF (1989), Retired School Bus Driver (2012), and now a Mobile Sawyer
1995 Wood-Mizer LT40HDG2425 Kohler - Shingle & LapSider
Cooks Cat Claw Sharpener, 4-foot Logrite cant hook.
Basic mechanical skills are all that's required to maintain the Wood-Mizer.
I LOVE MY SAWMILL

Offline grouch

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Re: need a
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2017, 10:38:27 pm »
You have to do what you can live with; it's your life.

Given what you have described, if it was me and someone suggested I go talk to her, my response would be, "Why? Is she asking to talk to me? Is she ready to apologize to my daughter? Has she suddenly transmogrified into someone I'd want in my home?"

Nobody knows the situation and yourself as you do. If you can't go with facts and logic, trust your gut.
Find something to do that interests you.

Offline never finished

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Re: need a
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2017, 02:01:13 am »
 Something I can't stand is for some one to say If it were me I'd. And I'm not saying that at all. The thing to be sure of, is you have to live with the person that makes this decision form now on. If you do make the effort, you will always know you tried. Peace of mind may be worth the bad meeting that may, (likely) happen. Hope this helps. Thoughts and prayers. Dennis   

Offline Roxie

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Re: need a
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2017, 07:08:44 am »
Seems to me that you lost your sister four years ago and said your goodbyes.  Only you can decide if you want to sacrifice your inner peace and attempt to reach out.  I would certainly support anyone within the family that wanted to handle it differently (your daughter), because no two people handle these things in the same way.  Remember that folks that mention reaching out are just saying how they would need to handle it, in their own family.  It's all perspective, and you need to handle this in a way that will bring YOU some comfort and peace.  Make your own decision based on your own personal struggles and just say, " I appreciate your concern," to advice givers. 
Save a farm today or starve tomorrow.

Offline newoodguy78

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Re: need a
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2017, 07:48:18 am »
Trust your gut on this one and do what will make you feel best in the long run. I honestly don't think their is a definitive right or wrong answer. Family issues are never easy and situations like these are what causes grey hairs. Good luck and do what's best for you

Offline petefrom bearswamp

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Re: need a
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2017, 07:56:37 am »
Sorry for your sibling issues.
no unwanted advice from here
the old saying you can pick your friends but not your relatives.
Thank my lucky stars my 2 brothers and I get along very well.
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Offline thecfarm

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Re: need a
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2017, 08:23:43 am »
If family member tells my daughter to go someplace,that would be like saying it to me.
If it would make you feel better to contact her,than go ahead. We all should forgive.
I also should take my own advice.
Model 6020-20hp Manual Thomas bandsaw,TC40A 4wd 40 hp New Holland tractor, 450 Norse Winch, Heatmor 400 OWB,YCC 1978-79

Offline Ox

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Re: need a
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2017, 12:12:13 pm »
Family, schmamily.  I've got 2 cousins (the only 2 cousins I've ever had) who stole everything from my uncle who had a stroke in his 50s and it left him kinda retarded.  He had very old Harley bikes, parts, old guns, old musical instruments,etc.  They sold them all for drugs.  Tens of thousands of dollars worth of stuff sold for hundreds.  One particular guitar worth close to $15,000 sold for $75 at a pawn shop type of stuff.  They are no longer part of this family and I don't have 2 cousins anymore. 

I would say if I had a sibling do those things in that way I'd dismiss them from any family life forever.  They made their choice long ago to choose money and drugs over being part of a family.  I also hold grudges forever.  Like it or not, this is the way I am.  If it were me, I wouldn't call her.  She doesn't deserve it.  Reap what you sow.
K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Stupid
Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without
1989 GMC 3500 4x4 diesel dump and plow truck, 1964 Oliver 1600 Industrial with Parsons loader and backhoe, 1986 Zetor 5211, Cat's Claw sharpener, single tooth setter, homemade Linn Lumber 1900 style mill, old tools

Offline sandsawmill14

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Re: need a
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2017, 12:49:58 pm »
coxy im sorry for your problems  :( i  personally  have not had this problem with my brothers/sister but i watch my fil and his brother and father go through the same thing for years except my fil died suddenly  so no long time to think for the other 2 both attended the funeral and took it very hard and his father was buried a week to the day of my fil :o the docs said at his age he just couldnt handle stress from it :(   i cant tell you what to do but whatever you decide do it for your peace of mind and that only as you are the one that has to live with it :-\   if you think you want to you could go try to talk to her and if she treats you like she did your daughter she would have had her chance to make it right so you could say you done all you could and have a clear conscience  :-\  anyway what i am trying to say is do what you need to for your conscience and let that be your only concern ;)

 my brothers an i always settle problems immediately so situations like this dont happen to us  :-\ usually some bad language  :-[ rarely followed by a fist fight >:( ;D but that hasnt happened since we were probably in our mid 30s BUT our solution may not work for every one but  so far it has for us ;D :D :D    i hit harder than the middle brother ;D but he ducks better ::) baby brother is a brute and real silent type so if he says  something (rarely) i listen :o :D :D :D
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Offline sawguy21

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Re: need a
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2017, 01:11:49 pm »
There is nothing like a death in the family to bring out the worst in people. She is part of your family but that does not mean you have to be her friend, after the way she treated your daughter I would suggest forgetting about her and moving on with your own life but that is a call you have to make. My sister and I became increasingly distant after mom's passing and you know what, I don't miss the drama one bit.
old age and treachery will always overcome youth and enthusiasm

Offline Woodhauler

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Re: need a
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2017, 01:47:35 pm »
I understand where your coming from, I went through a similar thing when my mom died a few years ago. I have 1 brother and 2 sisters, Brother owns his own plumbing business, both sisters are bums. I paid for moms funeral with no offers from other siblings. My oldest sister had the nerve to text me a week after the funeral and ask me for my share of flower money!!!!  She has not worked in years , living on comp money and working under table. I don't have anything to do with them!!!!!
2013 westernstar tri-axle with 2015 rotobec elite 80 loader!Sold 2000 westernstar tractor with stairs air ride trailer and a 1985 huskybrute 175 T/L loader!

Offline coxy

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Re: need a
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2017, 04:40:58 pm »
thanks everyone    woodhauler i know what you mean i paid  over 24k in funeral bills with no help( would do it again in a second for my parents)   i know she didn't have any money but all she had to do was say here is 10bucks i would never have took it anyway but just the thought would have been nice  she never went with me to help make the funeral arrangements   she never even came to moms viewing or the funeral or the cemetery  >:( >:(

Offline codemunk3y

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Re: need a
« Reply #15 on: May 14, 2017, 06:22:40 pm »
I don't subscribe to not being able to choose your family.

Drug addicts will take and take and take until they use up their friends and their family. She will drain you and your family till you cannot give any more and will then move onto the next person.

In my opinion, don't connect again with her. She has shown complete disregard and disrespect to your family. Leave her be.

Offline Stoneyacrefarm

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Re: need a
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2017, 08:30:31 pm »
Good luck Coxy.
Hope everything works out ok for you.