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Started by coxy, February 17, 2016, 08:10:47 PM

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coxy

HELP  i got a call from a very very good friend of my dads today thanking  my dad  and I for being such great friends to him  and he only has 2 month to live  :( :(  and he wants me to stop by and talk with him    im NOT very good at this kind of stuff i get to wishy washy  :'(   and have no clue  what to say     i wish he would not have told me until after the visit  any help on what to say or do  would be great   thanks coxy

thecfarm

Just talk and maybe most importantly listen. I really don't know what I would want to talk about if I only had 2 months to live. But I would go on with life just the way I am. Yes,I would want my friends around me.
Model 6020-20hp Manual Thomas bandsaw,TC40A 4wd 40 hp New Holland tractor, 450 Norse Winch, Heatmor 400 OWB,YCC 1978-79

Autocar

That will be a tuff visit for sure. My two cents I would let him start the conversation and I would think you could go from there. But if that dosen't work out I would let him know how much you appreciated his friendship and the things you learned from him. And my mind goes blank  :-\       tuff visit for sure ,good luck
Bill

thecfarm

And coxy,you might be surprised how well you do. You will get talking and things will happen and the time will fly right by.  ;)
Model 6020-20hp Manual Thomas bandsaw,TC40A 4wd 40 hp New Holland tractor, 450 Norse Winch, Heatmor 400 OWB,YCC 1978-79

beenthere

coxy
Be yourself, as that is likely why he has asked you to come by.
south central Wisconsin
It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others

Sixacresand

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/help_a_friend.html

Also, I am not by no means a pastor. but to me it is important for that person, if he has not already, ask for forgiveness for his sins and accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior so he can spend eternity in heaven.  Maybe you can talk some about that.  If he wants it, then call a preacher, priest, etc.  I know it will be tough. 
"Sometimes you can make more hay with less equipment if you just use your head."  Tom, Forestry Forum.  Tenth year with a LT40 Woodmizer,

WV Sawmiller

Coxy,

   I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I am sure it will not be an easy time but I think you should be honored he wants to spend precious remaining time with you.

   I'd suggest you jot down some of the best and most memorable times you and/or your dad had with the man and bring pictures of the events if available. I'd let him start and listen first but if there comes a time when there is a gap I'd use the notes and pictures to help fill or restart to the conversation.

   I hope you both can come to terms with this issue.
Howard Green
WM LT35HDG25(2015) , 2011 4WD F150 Ford Lariat PU, Kawasaki 650 ATV, Stihl 440 Chainsaw, homemade logging arch (w/custom built rear log dolly), JD 750 w/4' wide Bushhog brand FEL

Dad always said "You can shear a sheep a bunch of times but you can only skin him once

POSTON WIDEHEAD

I have been through this before.
My Dad always says, talk like you usually do......he may have only 2 months and may out live you.
The older I get I wish my body could Re-Gen.

dustyhat

Just make sure you go before its to late ,its important to him, years from now you will be glad for that time well spent.

yukon cornelius

I believe God will guide you if you let him. I can only imagine how tough this could be to get through. I wil keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers
It seems I am a coarse thread bolt in a world of fine threaded nuts!

Making a living with a manual mill can be done!

barbender

Quote from: beenthere on February 17, 2016, 09:09:48 PM
coxy
Be yourself, as that is likely why he has asked you to come by.

X2
Too many irons in the fire

timberlinetree

God, your heart, and the good advice from the ff will get you through. Thought and prays for his family and yours.
I've met Vets who have lived but still lost their lives... Thank a Vet

Family man and loving it :)

coxy

Quote from: POSTONLT40HD on February 17, 2016, 09:21:51 PM
I have been through this before.
he may have only 2 months and may out live you.
how very true that is   thanks for all the kind words everyone   its going to be ruff

Magicman

That sounds painfully like our situation was with our dear friend and FF member Willie Steele (wwsjr).  Phone calls were kept on the subject of the task at hand and the sawing week was too busy to allow emotions to enter.  The tough time came when it was time to say goodbye.  Each one of us had our private time with Willie and I know with me words did not come easily, but somehow we both said what we needed to say.  Your heart will lead you.
Knothole Sawmill, LLC     '98 Wood-Mizer LT40SuperHydraulic   WM Million BF Club Member   WM Pro Sawyer Network

It's Weird being the Same Age as Old People

Never allow your "need" to make money to exceed your "desire" to provide quality service.....The Magicman

drobertson

Quote from: POSTONLT40HD on February 17, 2016, 09:21:51 PM
I have been through this before.
My Dad always says, talk like you usually do......he may have only 2 months and may out live you.
There right now with two, one elder, one my age, today is today for each of us, know one knows when our last breath is, as mentioned be yourself, which sounds like a very dear and close friend,  praying for all of you guys,,
only have a few chain saws I'm not suppose to use, but will at times, one dog Dolly, pretty good dog, just not sure what for yet,  working on getting the gardening back in order, and kinda thinking on maybe a small bbq bizz,  thinking about it,

red

Last week a superior court judge 63 years old slipped on the ice and hit his head . He never regained consciousness. He will be buried this Saturday.
Honor the Fallen Thank the Living

tree-farmer

Like a lot of things in life, just showings up is over half the job. Just be the friend he needs, both of you will be better for the experience....IMO
Old doesn't bother me, its the ugly that's a real bummer.

Chuck White

One thought would be to talk about you growing up, the son of his best friend!

The visit might not seem so easy going into it, but once the visit starts, it's very likely to change and you'll be surprised at how fast your time goes!

Our thoughts will be with you Coxy.
~Chuck~  Cooks Cat Claw sharpener and single tooth setter.  2018 Chevy Silverado and 2021 Subaru Ascent.
With basic mechanical skills and the ability to read you can maintain a Woodmizer  LT40!

Jeff

Go. Just go. Talk about what ever he wants to talk about.

https://forestryforum.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/20160202_102418.jpg

3 days before my best friend died this last week. We talked about what he wanted to see planted in the back field at the cabin this spring, we talked about my going to Mississippi hunting. We talked about the bug a salt gun that shoots salt at flies, we just talked like we were going to see each other again.  Just go.
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

blackfoot griz

Agree with what others have said. Please go visit him. I had to do this with my uncle and I stuck close to my dad until the end. My mom passed away  suddenly last year--on Mother's day. I never had that time with my mom to say what needed to be said. If you don't go...well... there's no cure for regret. My thoughts are with you!

Sixacresand

Quote from: tree-farmer on February 18, 2016, 06:59:17 PM
Like a lot of things in life, just showings up is over half the job. Just be the friend he needs, both of you will be better for the experience....IMO
Like Tree Farmer said, "Just showing up is half the Job".   I got a friend with bad cancer that I had put off going to see.  Lucky for me I ran into him at a Restaurant got to talk to him some.
"Sometimes you can make more hay with less equipment if you just use your head."  Tom, Forestry Forum.  Tenth year with a LT40 Woodmizer,

sandsawmill14

i got a call from my best friend today about 2:30 and said that his dad has 2 months at best and 2 weeks at worst :'(  all i can tell you is trust in God and he will see you through. my condolences to his family and yours :(
hudson 228, lucky knuckleboom,stihl 038 064 441 magnum

Darrel

Quote from: Jeff on February 18, 2016, 09:05:52 PM
Go. Just go. Talk about what ever he wants to talk about.

https://forestryforum.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/20160202_102418.jpg

3 days before my best friend died this last week. We talked about what he wanted to see planted in the back field at the cabin this spring, we talked about my going to Mississippi hunting. We talked about the bug a salt gun that shoots salt at flies, we just talked like we were going to see each other again.  Just go.

My FIL moved in with my 37 year old son and family to spend his final days.  One of the things my FIL did was to monopolize my son's bug a salt gun so my son bought another one. It was tons of fun watching the two of them go hunting!  It wasn't long until the great grand kids joined the hunting expeditions with their nurf guns and fun was had by all. Life isn't over 'till it's over. Do what you can and exchange stories and memories like always. Just be there. You know this person that has requested your presence. Take a toy or something you know you'll have fun with but don't be afraid to get serious if that's needed by either of you.
1992 LT40HD

If I don't pick myself up by my own bootstraps, nobody else will.

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