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why is it never easy

Started by bigred1951, September 02, 2014, 09:04:26 PM

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bigred1951

Why does it always seem like if its not one thing its another and it never gets easier. I work at a job i absolutely hate. It makes me so miserable i wake up every morning looking for an excuse to not go but i still do. It dont pay much and i have bills need so im stuck and cant quit. Im always broke before i get paid again no matter how hard i try to watch my money and put it back to save. On my days off im tired and miserable from work i dont want to do anything. I want to quit more then anything and work for myself but i need the money just to get by. I live with my grandmother who is 84 and try to help her. She has trouble getting up and walking around. She has dimentia and gets confused all the time. The house is in poor condition, foundation rotten to far gone to fix. One of the back corners is completely rotted out im surprised it hasnt collasped. This past saturday my mom was having a cook out and my mamaw fell and hit her head so now she is really sore and i have to help her get up out of bed and help walk to the bathroom or where ever she wants to go. I know im young and got the rest of my life to do things but it seems its never any better like i said if its not one thing its another. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel a little better after ranting now. thanks guys

Magicman

Helping your Grandmother is the right thing to do.  This experience will make you a better man and you will always know where you do not want to be. 
Knothole Sawmill, LLC     '98 Wood-Mizer LT40SuperHydraulic   WM Million BF Club Member   WM Pro Sawyer Network

It's Weird being the Same Age as Old People

Never allow your "need" to make money to exceed your "desire" to provide quality service.....The Magicman

sandhills

Exactly what Magicman said, my wife and I spent 2 years helping my uncle through those last years of his life, not without other help mind you, but I'd do it again in a heart beat.  I also just got done begging my banker today for a few more dollars to get through harvest, then went and talked to a boss of mine and he's pretty much going through the same.  I'm not complaining at all so don't take this wrong, just don't give up, keep your chin up and hang in there, life wouldn't be much fun if it was all easy I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Don_Papenburg

Don't be afraid to look in the help wanted section . Or go looking for a job with an outfit that you would like to work for even if they don't have the help wanted sign setting out.
Frick saw mill  '58   820 John Deere power. Diamond T trucks

Mooseherder

Hang in there partner.  All you can do is keep trying to move forward even if it's just baby steps everyday.  I think I heard a statistic that 70% of the workforce wishes there was something else they could be doing so you're in good company.  Once you clock out leave that at work.  Dwelling on it isn't going to help anything.  Most successful people work a lot of hours.  You have youth on your side.  Is there another job you could find when you're not at the regular job?  Do whatever you can to keep mamaw comfortable, safe and happy.  That joy can override some of the daily challenges most everyone faces at work.
Good luck to you.

kczbest

Take care of your Grandma you will be glad you did. Doing the right thing is never wrong. I lived with my Grandparents when I was 23 helping take care of my dying Grandfather. Four weeks before his death my Grandmother had a massive heart attack and had to have five bypasses so a couple of days later I was basically taking care of two invalids. My Mom and Dad took the day shift and I had to tend to them from 6PM to 6AM. My Brother could not help because he was away at College. My Girlfriend left me because I had no time for her, my employer replaced me and it seemed like my personal and work life was falling apart. I made it through and I'm a better man for it. I look back at it as a blessing in disguise. I know things seem tough now but everything happens for a reason and God is in fact in control. Keep your chin up things will get better.
Hail State!
2013 F150 Supercrew 4x4
John Deere 5303 4x4 with FEL
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Den Socling

Keep your job but fill out applications everywhere you can. This will give you something to think about and hope for. Plus, one might take.

LaneC

Whenever I get those feelings, I think about the people who I saw literally starving to death, kids scooting up to you begging with no legs, arms etc., kids all crippled up begging, and all kinds of other folks who were trying to hang on for 1 more day. Sometimes it does not make you feel much better, but if you take a close look around, there is always usually someone in worse shape than you. During those times I personally thank God for everything I do have and hope that it will be better tomorrow. It usually is. Hopefully your situation will change for the better.
Man makes plans and God smiles

thecfarm

I had a job I did not like either. Just about your age too. I was lucky and found another job. Much better. Keep looking. With me it was hard to go look for a job. I had to take vacation time to do it. I was working 2 jobs to pay the bills.
Model 6020-20hp Manual Thomas bandsaw,TC40A 4wd 40 hp New Holland tractor, 450 Norse Winch, Heatmor 400 OWB,YCC 1978-79

yukon cornelius

Pray!! Gods plan isn't always clear but it will all work out. 
It seems I am a coarse thread bolt in a world of fine threaded nuts!

Making a living with a manual mill can be done!

Cedarman

Bigred, a lot of good advise in these posts.  If possible have your grandmother tell you stories that she can remember.  Helping her is a great thing to do.
Look for another job while keeping this one.  Try to find anything about your job that you can like.  Instead of thinking of the dislike, look for things to like. 
As far as money goes, look for ways to not spend money.  That is hard.  Giving up things that money can buy is tough.
I wish you well.
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

whiskers

Sound advice from all, much of it learned the hard way.
Keep up the good work, develop a plan for the future, both short and long term. Some folks think that youth is wasted on the young, make it your ally.
 
There may be some assistance available through this or other govt, programs to help out with mamaw. 
.   


http://www.eldercare.gov/eldercare.net/Public/Search_Results.aspx
many irons in the fire.........

pineywoods

1995 Wood Mizer LT 40, Liquid cooled kawasaki,homebuilt hydraulics. Homebuilt solar dry kiln.  Woodmaster 718 planner, Kubota M4700 with homemade forks and winch, stihl  028, 029, Ms390
100k bd ft club.Charter member of The Grumpy old Men

hardtailjohn

Pineywoods beat me to it.... I was going to point you to the Caregivers thread.  You've been given some great advice here, and it sure sounds to me like you have a good heart...you'll do fine!  If there wasn't what we interpret as "bad", we just wouldn't appreciate the "good" as much! Hang in there and don't be afraid to vent a bit....it does help.
John
I'm so far behind, I think I'm ahead!

r.man

Mindset will help bring you some relief. Like many things in life you need to find the positives about your situation and revel in them rather than wallowing in the negatives. You will be happier for it and after things start to improve you won't have to work at being content.
Life is too short or my list is too long, not sure which. Dec 2014

luvmexfood

Some good points. here are a couple more and a little humor thrown in.

I had a job that was really bad mentally. Games played. My supervisor would hide things I needed to know just to make me look bad. Senior management were fully aware but you know how politics are. Anyway went to stress management counceling. One thing I will never forget she told me. If you can't change it don't set and worry about it.

Try taking some online or college classes and get some kind of a degree.

Now the little humor and don't take this the wrong way. Papaw always said "being poor ain't nothing to be ashamed of, it's just a he$$ of an inconvience".
Give me a new saw chain and I can find you a rock in a heartbeat.

kderby

Thanks for Venting!  It may not be much fun to hear it but most of us have been where you are.  We got through it.  So will you.

Making the right choices to not be self destructive is a huge leap forward.  If you think drugs or suicide are an option?  Stop right now and ask for/find help that works for you.  Do not add to the challenges, get through the challenges.

I am confident that despite the challenges life throws at us, we are alive in the greatest time and greatest place.  Presidents and Kings did not have the information, vehicles and food that we have immediate access to.  We have been handed life, not in a mud hut but in a home with electricity and water.  Pioneers with an ox cart traveled twelve miles a day and ate beans.  We drive at a mile a minute with the radio and air conditioning to get a pizza.  Still, we feel the need to complain?  We can work our way forward to a larger nicer life.  Meanwhile it is great solace to never forget (and be grateful for) what we do have.

I am 53 and still look for opportunity at every turn.  I seem to be more hungry/driven than others around me.  That still has not paid off in any large degree.  The process of trying, flunking, then trying again seems to be its own reward.  I am glad I have a supportive wife.  I work carefully to keep her as my partner.  Our bills are paid.  Our Moms get any degree of care they need.  All the others are gone now but we cared for them as well.  They had life and this one is mine.  If life is easy, than you are cheating at the game.  I am at middle age and can tell you that you don't want it to be easy. 

Life is worth every minute you can muster.  Venting is fine.  By saying it out loud we remind our selves what is important: Grandmother/looking for a better job/making a better future.

KD

justallan1

Try looking at things from another angle. You have a job, a place to live and a chance to take care your mamaw.
If you aren't scared of work there's generally another job to be had, so that's easy for me.
Taking care of your grandmother is something you won't get another chance at, don't pass it up. I did with my stepfather and have to live with that guilt every day. He was took care of by other family members, but wanted to come live with me. I was too busy worrying about myself and hitting the bars.
One thing I do on achieving my goals is to take the goal in mind and break it down into smaller goals, so as they don't seem so big and far away. I look at what I have right now and how I can use that to achieve a small part of my grand finale. I started cutting firewood with a secondhand chainsaw and spit it by hand, I saved until I could afford a splitter. I used a bonus check to buy my little mill and used the firewood money to eventually buy a good used pickup. The little money made on the mill gets set aside to eventually buy a cnc router. I am either buying or building a CSM to saw some big burls that I've run across and eventually plan to start engraving signs, custom entryway doors and anything that I possibly can plus making and selling project from my woodshop. That's what my retirement plans consist of.
PLEASE keep in mind that I've done this while working a full time job on a ranch, which part of the year can require me to work 70-80 hours a week.
I'm sure that most of your circumstances are different, but try to use the same principals. Set small obtainable goals that don't seem impossible to get.
You've got this.

Allan

bigred1951

im in no way complaining about helping my mamaw ill do anything i can to help her. My papaw passed away when i was 14 from cancer. I remember he finally come home from the hospital because he didnt have long left. My mom and step dad stayed the night with them it was a thursday night and i was gonna go stay the weekend after school the next day. When i got up that friday morning to get ready for school mom and dad come home and said papaw passed away that morning. I always felt like i didnt get to really say good bye because i hadnt got to see him for a few days because of school. I was at their house every weekend and anytime i could. Mamaw is starting to feel a little better now but she is still sore. Ive been putting in a few applications here and there closer to home hoping to find something. Im still determined to one day own a mill of my own and work for myself full time

Magicman

Quote from: bigred1951 on September 07, 2014, 08:42:31 PMim in no way complaining about helping my mamaw ill do anything i can to help her.
And in no way did I interpret that you were.  I admire you for stepping up and being the man that you are.   smiley_thumbsup
Knothole Sawmill, LLC     '98 Wood-Mizer LT40SuperHydraulic   WM Million BF Club Member   WM Pro Sawyer Network

It's Weird being the Same Age as Old People

Never allow your "need" to make money to exceed your "desire" to provide quality service.....The Magicman

wesdor

You took a big step in sharing with us at the Forum.  I don't think anybody feels you are complaining.  Taking care of your Grandma is something you will always look back on with pride and love.

I'm not sure how to imbed a Youtube video, but you need to check this out.  Very powerful example of prayer.  Be sure to watch to the end.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aqG9_acZbZA

God has a plan for all of us if we listen. 


justallan1

If I came across as rude or out of line, I'm certainly sorry.
I have respect for you for being comfortable enough to get on here and state that your having a crappy time right now, and figured I'd throw out some ideas that have worked for me. If enough ideas are thrown at me there's generally one that clicks.
Have a great evening.

Allan

bigred1951

i didnt think think anybody was being rude or thought i was complaining at all. I looked back and thought that it might have sounded like i was complaining. I thank everybody for their response and greatly appreciate it

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