Can you add any to this?

[Ernie]

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8 ) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes..
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, or meat. We take English for
granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor
is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English
speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and
send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill
in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

[pineywoods]

I totally agree Ernie. The so-called English language is absolutely crazy. It's a mixed up mishmash of dozens of other languages with a bunch of twists of it's own. Way back in the early days of computers, I got involved with a program to use a computer to translate english to russian and russian to english. It was a total disaster..but some of the results were down right funny...

[two-legged-sawmill]

Yes, Politacally Correctness, most of the time Incorrect! Dan

[giant splinter]

I think the King must have had a great sense of humor and knew that we could have some fun with this, by the time the "Kings English" got down under the Ausies an Kiwis where still having fun with his language, I think that we Yanks have twisted it around even further with the local accents and easy flow of words that developed once it became Americanized a bit.

Good job Ernie this sort of confusion is always fun, I wish I could contribute to this but I think you covered it very well.
The English Language is going to be around a long time and as long as it is spoken there will be people having fun with it, "it ain't over till it's over" Yogie Berra.

[Shotgun]

Ernie,  What's the source for this tome?  Just wondering.  Thanks.

[Ernie]

Ernie,  What's the source for this tome?  Just wondering.  Thanks.

I got it as an email form a mate who got it from a mate who got it from a mate etc etc etc.

That is mate as understood in Aussie and NZ it has nothing to do with reproduction

[Roxie]

Here's one from me:

My face turned red, when asked to read, what he read. 

[Ernie]

Good one Roxie

[Magicman]

I can read writing, but I can't write right.

[samandothers]

Some folks read a lot and are more well read than I.

I wonder if plural of mouse is mice why is plural of house not hise?

[POSTON WIDEHEAD]

We will hold a COUNCIL meeting to COUNSEL the members on whether they should CANCEL their trip.

[Magicman]

 :D  Careful what you ask for.  One double click and you could be history.   poston-smiley

[POSTON WIDEHEAD]

:D  Careful what you ask for.  One double click and you could be history.   poston-smiley

I hit post, and I didn't think in went through...so I hit it again, and ... .....twins.

[GAB]

Weather, whether or not you like it, you are going to have some.  Gerald

[Ernie]

I wonder whether the wether should be outside in this weather is a question that needs asking.

[Tom the Sawyer]

How about:

"They're over there in their car."

[Ron Wenrich]

The original post used 2 different meanings for words that are spelled the same.  Roxie's is like that. 

Something like: 
I had to bear right to avoid the bear. 
The graduating class had a lot of class.

Homonyms have different meanings, the same spelling, but different pronunciations.
Heterographs have different meanings, different spellings, but the same pronunciations. 

I'm not that smart, I had to look it up.  ;)  There's a lot more out there.

[gspren]

  Hey dear look at those deer eating our hay.

[Ernie]

  Hey dear look at those deer eating our hay.

They shouldn't do that because hay is pretty dear these days.

[Cedarman]

Am I vane, vain, or vein looking at a weather vane?
In a different note,
If merlot is pronounced "merlow", how to you pronounce harlot?

[Magicman]

I regularly see Homonyms and Heterographs used in normal conversation here on the FF.   

[Jeff]

This was on my facebook page tonight.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

Oh well, we can all shake our heads as we nod in agreement.