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Silly local Paper

Started by C_Miller, October 09, 2003, 06:29:54 PM

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C_Miller

A few weeks ago our local (county) paper ran an article asking some very profound questions. I wrote a response and they printed it in its entirety. they are hurting for copy I guess. thought the forum might enjoy



Responses to  "Do You Ever Wonder?"

Can you cry under water?
You can cry in fresh water but not in salt water, even though it feels like you need to cry in salt water.


How important does a person need to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
You only need to be an elected official or political appointee.  Notice how "assassinated" is spelled.

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Because they are too big.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
So the meat hangs over the sides.


Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts? Where's the extra penny going?
Heaven, that's how we get the pennies for "pennies from heaven".

Once you are in Heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
No, Heaven is clothing optional.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
1.  So the box hangs over the sides.
2.  So the toppings have somewhere to go on the ride home.

What disease did cured ham actually have?
Not sure

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
The gravity field on the moon is 1/6 of the earth so you didn't need wheels on your luggage.


Why is it people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
Are these old people?

What disease did cured ham actually have?
I'll have to look that up.

Why are you IN a movie but ON TV?
Because you have to be very small to be IN a TV.


Why do people pay to go up in tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because things on the ground are far away.

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
The word "assassinate" comes to mind.

and finally...


What disease did cured ham actually have?
It wasn't so much a disease as it was an attitude.

C
CJM

SawInIt CA


DanG

C, you ain't right.  That's Southern for "you have some really deep-seated emotional issues."

You fit in real good here.

 :D :D :D :D
"I don't feel like an old man.  I feel like a young man who has something wrong with him."  Dick Cavett
"Beat not thy sword into a plowshare, rather beat the sword of thine enemy into a plowshare."

Percy

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
GOLDEN RULE : The guy with the gold, makes the rules.

oldsaw

Do I have to tell you guys everything? ;D
So many trees, so little money, even less time.

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