Dahh.....

[chet]

Got a call to cut up a single Red Pine last week.  :  Ya never know what one small job will lead to, so I figured Ok.
I asked the guy what he wanted it cut into. "I don't know " he says "what do you think".  I explained to the gentleman that his plans for the lumber is the determining factor in what it should be cut into.
Well he had no clues what he was going to do with it. So I told him to talk with his wife, come up with an idea, then give me a call back
This afternoon he calls back. " We decided to make a solid oak cabinet out of it, so cut it into boards that will make an oak cabinet."   ???

[Kevin]

solid oak cabinet

He wants a cant with a door on it.  :D

[Bro. Noble]

Chet,

I'm not sure if even the Arkansawyer could do that

I used to teach Voc. Ag.  at a local highschool.  Had an adult program at night.  One of the adults was making a cherry end table.  He had some beautiful wood and his workmanship was excellent.  One night I looked over in his corner and he had painted it green.   :'( :   I think he was a yooper,  come to think of it :D :D

[chet]

Noble dar ain't no yooper goin'ta paint over a fine wood like cherry.
Along that note though, my youngest son was working with a local builder last year just over da border in Wisconsin. The specks called for all the trim in the 5000 sq. ft. house to be done in cherry. The owner then had the painters paint it all white.  

[Percy]

Got a call to cut up a single Red Pine last week.  :  Ya never know what one small job will lead to, so I figured Ok.
I asked the guy what he wanted it cut into. "I don't know " he says "what do you think".  I explained to the gentleman that his plans for the lumber is the determining factor in what it should be cut into.
Well he had no clues what he was going to do with it. So I told him to talk with his wife, come up with an idea, then give me a call back
This afternoon he calls back. " We decided to make a solid oak cabinet out of it, so cut it into boards that will make an oak cabinet."   ???

:D :D :D :D :D

I had a guy call me up and said he had heard I do cutting for half n half and he hadda 'Smokin Deal" for me..heh...I go to where the logs are supposed to be "Ready For Cuttin" and there is a logged off mess of a yard with a pile of culls pushed up every whichaway with a caterpillar in the middle of this soggy clayinfested field. The biggest log was mebey 8 inches in diameter(covered in mud) and the guy says to me as he is chewin on a greasy piece of chicken,..."I want my half to be all 10 by 10s"   The guy was a Dentist. I felt like saying "I want my half to be gold teeth"

[isawlogs]

   custimer : I have these nice big logs that are 10 inches
       Me :  You have 10 inche logs.What do you want them sawed into ?
   custimer :  10 x 10 's
       Me : I don't think so...
   custimer : Why not ?
  And then I explain to them why it is not possible...
   custimer : Ok if you don't want to do the cutting I'll just hire someone else...  ??? ???
It's not that I don't want to do the sawing it's that I can't make miracles hapen

[Frickman]

I just tell them I'll saw their logs if they go to town and get me a left-handed wood stretcher. Usually don't see the folks again.

[Jeff]

Lets play guess the occupation of the guy wif da log. ;D

[beenthere]

Mmmmmm?.  That might stomp real hard on some member's toes (or nose) who happens to be of a similar occupation. ;D

Other than for that reason, I might have a few guess's.

[ElectricAl]

Two weeks ago we had a F2 tornado roll through
( 8 miles NE ) of the sawmill.

Last week we get a call from a guy asking if we would buy a few 20" Oak logs. I was in a hurry so I said yep bring them out.  Sure enough the guy shows up in a F150 hanging low in the back.
The guy stages behind the semi I'm loading.
When I was finished loading I backed over to the pickup.

The guy was right, the logs were 20".

And he had bucked them all at 12".

That's right 12 inches LONG!

He had 40 pieces stuffed under his topper.

Oh yeah, they were Spruce! ???

[Percy]

Two weeks ago we had a F2 tornado roll through
( 8 miles NE ) of the sawmill.

Last week we get a call from a guy asking if we would buy a few 20" Oak logs. I was in a hurry so I said yep bring them out.  Sure enough the guy shows up in a F150 hanging low in the back.
The guy stages behind the semi I'm loading.
When I was finished loading I backed over to the pickup.

The guy was right, the logs were 20".

And he had bucked them all at 12".

That's right 12 inches LONG!

He had 40 pieces stuffed under his topper.

Oh yeah, they were Spruce! ???

How much you give him for them rare pigmy SPROAKS? :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[chet]

I knew I could count on you guys to make me feel better.   ;D

[ElectricAl]

Percy,

I told him to back just past the Veneer Log pile at toss them out.  He figured out the value of this SPROAK when he saw the burn pile :D


                      :D :D



                              :D :D :D



                                     ;D ;D ;D ;D

[ARKANSAWYER]

   Red Pine?  Red Oak?   I can see where the fellow got messed up.   I was at a high dollar antique store last weekend with the wife and there was a "old" red cedar slab coffee table.  Just $295.00, it was about 16 inches wide and 3 ft long on pine legs drywall screwed into the bottom.  Problem was it was a red oak slab.  When I said something to the Owner they said that I must be confused because most folks never see cedar that wide. >:(  I just gave her my card and told her that if they sold that one and needed any more to just call as I had a pile of that stuff. ;D
   If he does not know what it is before you saw it he will not know after.
  I was also told that we do not have Northern red oaks down here since we are in the south.  I tried to explain to the Gentelman that we have both Northern and Southern red oaks as the Yankees brought them with them and polluted our pure stands.  He said that we were better for it.
  They do keep it fun.
ARKANSAWYER

[Bibbyman]

I think I've told this before so I'll make it short.

Had a guy call 3 or 4 times to arrange for some custom sawing to be done.  Sounded like an intelligent enough guy.  Saturday morning he was to bring his logs.  Here comes down the lane a Plymouth mini-van.  He has seven white oak saplings in the back, 10' long and maybe the largest 6" on the little end.  He wants 6x6s out of them and two out of the bigger one - if I could get it.  

He was an inspector at the local nuclear power plant.

We have a lot of confused people call us.  Some have reasonable questions some are just pretty funny.  About a third think we also do logging and another third apparently think we have a lumberyard.  "Now,  how much would that be in red wood?"  ..  In the middle of Missouri?  I don't thinks so. :D

[Haytrader]

When I was in college, we sent a brilliant fellow student to the local NAPA store for five pounds of compression. He was gone a long time.........

 :D

[AndyB]

It's quite common in the navy for new recruits reporting aboard ship to be sent to the engine room for a bucket of live steam.  Haven't seen one yet that refused. ;D ;D

[woodhaven]

I had a pretty bad day. You bunch of nuts have just made things a lot better.
                      THANK YOU[/u][/size]

[Tom]

Andy,
Tin can humor is sending someone for Relative Bearing Grease.  We had a new fellow sent all over the ship looking for the rubber storm flag.  All the way to the old man he was sent.  The old man told him that he was being messed with and had a cup of coffee with him.  I think the boy knew he was being put on but when you're told to go....  ..  you go. :D

[Bibbyman]

My older sister married young.  She wasn't married too long when her husband sent her into the grocery store for some light bulb oil.  She was a little suspicious but he assured her that if you rubbed the oil on the light bulb, it would last longer.  He had parked up in front where he could watch as she searched the store over and ask the stock boys where she could find some.  I think they went to a couple of stores before they gave up. Some things are hard to find in a small town. ;D

Every profession has some trick that always works.  We have a big computer operation where I work at my day job.  About every new computer operator has been sent to empty the "bit bucket".  

We had one Information Systems manager that wasn't any too knowledgeable about computers.  He came in the computer room one day demanding that the systems support guy open up the mainframe computer and show him the "internal reader".  Well,  the internal reader is a computer process – not a piece of equipment you can see.  I don't remember how he resolved this predicament.  I suspect he just opened it up and pointed to anything conspicuous that may have looked like it could be an internal reader. ;)

[wiam]

I run a pounder truck at work (it drives gaurdrail posts).  It has a seat on the back.  On mornings with a heavy dew, I say to the new guy "Would you like to run the pounder" .  Best way to dry the seat I have found. :D :D

[woodmills1]

always carry that bucket of steam upsidedown then. :D :D

[ARKANSAWYER]

   Once in the ARMY my  uniforms were lost and all I had was class "A's".  So I went to the supply room and got some BDU uniforms to wear till mine came in.  No seargent stripes just my name tag on the pocket.  It was an Aviation unit and I was sent to the airport to get some flight line because they thought that I was a green horn.   I stayed gone most of the  day and set in the CWO4's office and talked fishing and hunting.  At the end of the day I returned back to the unit and told them that with out a purchase order and what color they wanted I was unable to get any.   When my uniforms came in they realized that they had tried the joke on the wrong guy.   Later a young man showed up and asked me the Motor Seargent for some "Motor Stable".  He was to come to the Motor Pool and get some "Motor Stable".  We had some gear oil that really stinks so I got some and put it into a old can and sent him on his way.  It never came back and they never sent me any more. ;D ;D ;D ;D
ARKANSAWYER

[Tom]

Arkansawyer,
Have you ever considered that you might have caused the inventory costs of that unit to run amok?  That fellow took the grease back to someone who thought there was none and now he sees that it is a valid Part.  He probably ordered a case just to make sure he had some on hand and sent the Quartermasters into a flurry of disarray all the way to the Pentagon.  I'll bet they've spent ten  million dollars looking for the stuff. :-/

[Jim_Rogers]

When a customer asks me: "how often do you change that blade on your sawmill?" I tell him: "every time it gets dull."
That usually stops all the stupid questions.