Re: How do you deal with an obnoxious irate custo

Jeff · May 30, 2003, 02:24:42 PM

Whats the brown gooey stuff between elephant's toes?

Percy · June 06, 2003, 11:07:14 PM

Well....first you dig a big hole out back behind your slab pile, make it about 6 foot square and 6 foot deep. Line the hole with Ash lumber so as it wont cave in. Then get a bushel of fresh garden peas, unshucked, and spread them all around the hole. When your irate obnoxious customer comes around, say "I got a surprise for you out back behind the slab pile." Lead him around back and when he bends over to take a pea, kick him in the Ash-hole. ;D 8) :D ;D

biziedizie · June 07, 2003, 04:31:49 AM

Ya and keep a bag of lime around as it helps keep the smell down. :D :D

Steve

AtLast · June 07, 2003, 07:55:46 AM

:D :

:D OHHHHHHHHHHH BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ; :D :

:D :

:D

Jeff · June 07, 2003, 04:08:43 PM

I guess you guys lost any potential customers that read this thread. And they do...

That was an elephant trap joke in the early 70's

Percy · June 07, 2003, 06:23:15 PM

QuoteI guess you guys lost any potential customers that read this thread. And they do...

That was an elephant trap joke in the early 70's

Yes Jeff it was a joke

....not a very good one I admit....

Jeff · June 07, 2003, 07:00:25 PM

It was so a good one! I told everybody I knew that on when I was 12. ;)

Why shouldn't you go in the jungle between 9 and 10?

Tom · June 07, 2003, 07:46:06 PM

Cause that's when the elephants jump out of the palm trees. ;D

Why do Ducks have flat feet?

Frank_Pender · June 07, 2003, 09:06:47 PM

I sent back his $785 and told hime to keep his DanG lumber that I had milled. planed and lap jointed. 8) Also told him that he could keep thespecial order of 2" x 6" lumber for his horse corral. He even threated to do harm to my business. But, the loop of my rope reached farther than his. His business is really hurting at this time. ;D What goes around comes around. He dug his own hole and fell in with his own assistance. :D

CHARLIE · June 07, 2003, 10:56:35 PM

Q. What's green and has three wheels?

A. Grass......I was just kiddin' about the wheels. :'(

Percy · June 08, 2003, 07:51:28 AM

Hooooboy...
On the gooey stuff, I aint gonnna even guess....

How many elephants can you get in a Volkswagen??

Four, two in the front and two in the back :D

Whats green and hangs fron the tallest trees in Africa?

Jerraffe snot. ;D

Jeff · June 08, 2003, 08:29:59 AM

Natives that went in the jungle between 9 and 10

Tom · June 08, 2003, 04:49:09 PM

Ducks have flat feet from stomping out Forest Fires.

Why do Elephants have flat feet?

Tom · June 08, 2003, 04:53:43 PM

I did the same thing as you did with a customer that just plain lost it, Frank. I started breaking down my mill and he wanted to know where I was going. "home", I said. He tried to pay me and I wouldn't take it. He tried to get me to saw the rest of the logs and I wouldn't do it. I left.

His wife gave him immortal Hell for being such a jerk and it took him 6 weeks to halfway apologize though he couldn't bring himself to actually do it. I went back and finished the job. His wife told me the story of what happened after I left and I felt real good about her sticking up for me. My head really swelled.

That guy and I have become good friends.

CHARLIE · June 08, 2003, 05:13:22 PM

Tom, hephalumps have flat feet from stomping out flaming ducks!!!! ;D

Percy · June 08, 2003, 05:20:43 PM

QuoteNatives that went in the jungle between 9 and 10

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Tom · June 08, 2003, 07:32:40 PM

Q: how do you scold an elephant?
A: tusk! tusk!

Bro. Noble · June 08, 2003, 07:38:02 PM

Gosh! I can't believe you guys are so corny (and old) to be telling awfulant jokes :

I think that's really childish so I'm just gonna tell one.

How do you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?

Noble

Tom · June 08, 2003, 07:44:22 PM

There's elephant tracks in the butter.

What's grey and flies round and round?

CHARLIE · June 08, 2003, 08:33:08 PM

Noble, I think it's because you can smell peanuts on his breath when you open the door.

Tom, it's SUPERELEPHANT!!!

CHARLIE · June 08, 2003, 08:34:36 PM

Q. How many Sawyers does it take to shingle a house?

A. 48 if you slice them real thin. 8)

Bro. Noble · June 09, 2003, 12:54:22 AM

Well Tom and Charlie, I suppose either of you could be right, but I alays heard it was that you could see his tracks in the cheesecake.

I think the answer to Tom's is 'Dumbo on a string'

I ate way too much german potatoe salad and steak tonight or I would be sleeping instead of participating in this foolishness

Noble

Mark M · June 09, 2003, 03:47:57 AM

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A: A stick

Q: How come there are so many Johnson's in the phone book?

A: They all have phones

Hey Noble - do you have a good recipe for German potato salad? I love that stuff but don't have a recipe.

Mark

woodbeard · June 09, 2003, 05:51:27 AM

I once found an elephant in my coffee.
How could this happen?
The waitress asked me did I want sugar.
I said yes.
She says one lump or two.
I say I'm on a diet, I'll take a half-a-lump.

Bibbyman · June 09, 2003, 07:33:06 AM

I knowed there was a a reason I was not reading this thread.

You guys have lost it.

Tom · June 09, 2003, 07:43:01 AM

Although Superelephant is a good guess, Charlie. I gotta tell Noble that it's a Elecopter.

Didya know that elephants have wrinkled skin 'cause it's too hard to iron.one of'em

johncinquo · June 09, 2003, 08:31:24 AM

Whats green and sings?
Elvis Parsley

Whats Purple and ruled the world?
Alexander the Grape

Why don't elephants hide in the freezer?
Too dark, they like the light on in the fridge

Whats green and red and goes 100 mph ?
Frog in a blender.

I gotta get back to work.

Bro. Noble · June 09, 2003, 12:21:01 PM

Mark,

I might otter send this recipe in an IM but didn't figger I'd do too much damage to this thread ;)

Ingredients:

9 med. potatoes boiled in jackets
9 slices of bacon
1/2 cup of chopped onion
3 tbsp flour
6 tbsp sugar
2 1/2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp celery seed
pepper to taste
1 + 2 tbsp water
6 tbsp vinegar

Peel potatoes and slice thinly. Fry bacon slowly and drain on paper, saute onion in bacon fat until golden brown. Blend in flower, sugar, salt, celery seed, + pepper. Cook over low heat, stiring until smooth and bubbly. Remove from heat. Stir in water and vinegar. Heat to a boil, stirring constantly Boil 1 min. Stir in carefully the potatoes and the crumbled bacon. Remove from heat , cover and let stand until ready to serve.

My wife says you have to adjust the recipe to your own taste. Hope you like it as well as I do.

Noble

Weekend_Sawyer · June 09, 2003, 01:39:47 PM

Why don't sharks eat clowns?

Because they taste funny! 8)

dail_h · June 09, 2003, 07:15:29 PM

Hey Noble,
If I don't got jackets for my taters,will sweaters work,or will the wool make em taste funny?

Bro. Noble · June 09, 2003, 07:22:21 PM

Dail, why not try that and report back to us---------sounds lots more appetizing than innards :D

Noble

woodbeard · June 09, 2003, 07:31:58 PM

Whaddya get when you cross a rhinoceros with an elephant?

Mark M · June 09, 2003, 09:00:09 PM

Thanks a lot Noble and Mrs. Noble!
Anything I can do for you folks?

Mark

Bro. Noble · June 10, 2003, 04:49:16 AM

Mark,

You can just keep those neat pictures and whacky posts coming 8)

Noble

chisel · June 13, 2003, 11:32:28 AM

If anyone wants my mom's recipe for potato salad, let me know. It's not German potato salad, but I've never had better. There are no pickles or mustard in it.

Paul

ohsoloco · June 13, 2003, 12:30:33 PM

Noble, did you say something sounded better than innards ???

How 'bout letting me cook for ya sometime ;D

Tillaway · June 13, 2003, 04:49:57 PM

Welcome to the insanity Chisel... yep... they are normally like that. ;D

KiwiCharlie · June 13, 2003, 07:32:13 PM

G'day Guys,
You want corny jokes??!! ;D

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

What do elephants do for laughs?
Tell people jokes.

How do you stop a charging elephant?
Take away its credit cards.

Who is the most famous male singing elephant?
Harry Elephante.

Who is the most famous female singing elephant?
Elephants Gerald.

Why don't elephants ride bikes?
They dont have a thumb to ring the bell.

Cheers
Charlie.

woodbeard · June 13, 2003, 07:40:47 PM

'elephino

chisel · June 13, 2003, 07:43:16 PM

Thanks for the welcome. I've been lurking for a few months and there's certainly a good dose of insanity here.

Just what I need.

Paul

Bro. Noble · June 13, 2003, 07:48:14 PM

Chisel,

These guys can't keep on the subject for anything-------sure We's like your Mom's recipe. I can't imagine cold potatoe salad w/o mustard or pickles, but neither can I imagine a potato dish I wouldn't like.

Welcome to the forum by the way.

Noble

dail_h · June 13, 2003, 08:00:31 PM

Jackets is better

Mark M · June 13, 2003, 08:18:34 PM

Hi Chisel

I'll show you mine if you show me yours (potato salad recipe that is) :D

Mark

chisel · June 14, 2003, 03:23:54 PM

OK guys (and gals?), here's the best potato salad I've ever eaten:

5-6 large red potatoes (I've also used baking potatoes)
1 lg. well-chopped yellow onion
1 cup chopped celery
3-4 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
1 small jar of pimentos (or is it pimentoes?) or more to taste
Miracle Whip salad dressing or Hellman's mayo

Boil potatoes until fork tender only, not mushy.
Cool and peel
Chop potatoes and add rest of ingredients.
Add salt to taste and don't add too much salad dressing (mayo), you can always add more later, but you all knew that, right? ;D

It's best if you make it a day before eating.

That's it. Maybe you've had it before, but it's my all-time favorite, probably because it's Mom's. Let me know what you think.

Paul

Sawyerfortyish · June 14, 2003, 04:50:28 PM

I knew this topic would get around to food ;) You can't go more than a page or two before you get hungry :D

kentuckyboy · June 14, 2003, 06:25:05 PM

Sounds like Kentucky cooking to me!!!!!!!

Neil_B · June 14, 2003, 06:28:04 PM

I eat sunflower seeds while reading on here :D

dail_h · June 14, 2003, 08:47:57 PM

I betcha there ain't a post on the entire forum that goes more'n 5-6 post without gettin to food-reckon why is that?

Fla._Deadheader · June 14, 2003, 09:21:29 PM

Ever heard the expression,"chewin the fat" ??? :D :D :D :D

Furby · June 14, 2003, 09:30:46 PM

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

AtLast · June 16, 2003, 08:04:06 PM

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh brother :D :D :D :D :

:

;D

KiwiCharlie · June 16, 2003, 08:41:09 PM

G'day Guys,
My old boss used to buy these large hunks of cured pork (bacon I guess) and get the guy here at work to heavily smoke them very slowly over 4 days - now there is a delicacy to enjoy while drinking beer - err, I mean cruising the forum!! ;) :D ;D
Cheers
Charlie.

Paul_H · February 12, 2012, 07:03:58 PM

Food for thought

Bogue Chitto · February 12, 2012, 08:01:52 PM

Why do cow's wear bells?

:D :D :D :D :D :D
Because their horns don't work.

Red Pill · February 12, 2012, 09:00:20 PM

Wow, you dug up an old one!

Paul_H · February 12, 2012, 09:38:48 PM

There are lots of great threads,some humorous and some classic and informative if you go to the bottom of the sawmill page and click on the highest page number(as opposed to 1,2,3,etc)

steamsawyer · February 13, 2012, 12:13:11 AM

It's funny, I was crusing some old threads yesterday from back in 01. Really interesting stuff, and I think people had a different outlook on some things.

What is the difference between a Jewler and a Jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells.

eastberkshirecustoms · February 13, 2012, 12:35:00 AM

This has been some good and classic reading, but not sure I get the gist of the thread yet. Is it to tell jokes to cool off, so frustrations aren't taken out on a SOB customer? If so, then Oohhh I get it.

Brucer · February 13, 2012, 12:44:59 AM

What's grey and has a trunk?

crtreedude · February 13, 2012, 08:40:51 AM

One of the joys of living in Costa Rica is they haven't heard the old corny jokes. Up there, people think I am corny, here they think I am funny. 8)

I sliced my hand pretty good Friday with a machete (freak fall, ten stitches) and as the doctor, nurse and observer (Ticos must always have an observer!) were doing the nasty to my poor hand I said to the nice lady doctor, in a serious voice because we could see the tendons...

"Doc, does this mean I won't be able to play the guitar?!"
"Doctor, no, you will be able to play the guitar after it heals"
"Great, I said, I never have been able to play before... " ;D

The look that I got. :D

Riggs · February 13, 2012, 08:43:42 AM

Quote from: Brucer on February 13, 2012, 12:44:59 AM
What's grey and has a trunk?

My mom's Buick???

terrifictimbersllc · February 13, 2012, 11:39:44 AM

:'( :'( :'(

What do you say when you give a mummy a quarter and he gives you back fifteen cents?

captain_crunch · February 13, 2012, 12:47:44 PM

OkI know better but ;D
How do you kill a Blue Elephant ?

with a Blue elephant gun

How do you kill a Pink Elephant ?

Twist his trunk till he turns blue and use Blue Elephant gun

Best quit when I am only a bit behind
Brian

Brucer · February 13, 2012, 01:57:57 PM

Quote from: Brucer on February 13, 2012, 12:44:59 AM
What's grey and has a trunk?

A mouse on vacation ;D.

Jeff · February 13, 2012, 02:45:12 PM

Quote from: eastberkshirecustoms on February 13, 2012, 12:35:00 AM
This has been some good and classic reading, but not sure I get the gist of the thread yet. Is it to tell jokes to cool off, so frustrations aren't taken out on a SOB customer? If so, then Oohhh I get it.

I was trying to remember that myself. Since the first post was me, and it was a reply, this means it was parted from the original topic, But I can not find the original topic, but this is also about the time I created a recycle bin, "The Back 40" to store all deleted data. It must have been pre-recycle bin as we do not actually delete anything now.

moosehunter · February 13, 2012, 03:15:46 PM

Do you know how to catch a unique bird?

Unique up on him!

Ya know how to catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique op on him!

thecfarm · February 13, 2012, 03:27:08 PM

I'm still waiting to know what to say when I got back 15 cents.

terrifictimbersllc · February 13, 2012, 06:14:16 PM

Quote from: terrifictimbersllc on February 13, 2012, 11:39:44 AM
:'( :'( :'(

What do you say when you give a mummy a quarter and he gives you back fifteen cents?

Egypt you. :

:

Sprucegum · February 13, 2012, 06:38:57 PM

:D :D The timing couldn't be better! My 8 & 10 year old grandkids are coming to visit next weekend and am going to hit'em with everything ya got! They'll be head spinning, eyes rolling, groaning 8) 8)

captain_crunch · February 14, 2012, 01:25:44 AM

S_P_G
Can hear grand kids already Dont Gramps know good joke yet :D :D :D

Cedarman · February 14, 2012, 08:22:43 AM

My experience is that for each one you tell, they will hit you with 3 more. Have fun. :D :D :D

Riggs · February 14, 2012, 08:59:12 AM

OK, one more elephant joke.....
Why are elephants grey?

wannasaw · February 15, 2012, 09:12:47 PM

might be dumb but never had one abd don't kook for one

sandhills · February 16, 2012, 11:24:24 AM

Ok Riggs don't leave us all hanging ;). One that came up at the salebarn I work at a few weeks ago after a VERY long day with more than a few of those kind of customers

What did the elephant say to the mouse after he stepped on his tail?
Won't be long now!

Riggs · February 16, 2012, 12:29:16 PM

Quote from: Riggs on February 14, 2012, 08:59:12 AM
OK, one more elephant joke.....
Why are elephants grey?

So you don't confuse them with canaries.

I know, I know, that was terrible.

Jim_Rogers · February 16, 2012, 02:45:56 PM

How do you know when an elephant is in bed with you?

The big "E" on his pajamas....

bandmiller2 · February 17, 2012, 07:09:34 AM

Forgive me for dredging up the origional subject but I don't deal with SOB's just tell them I'am retired and do the milling because I enjoy it,then give them the names of my competitors and how to find them.They usally calm right down and most are not bad sorts. Frank C.

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