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Great Insults

Started by Lud, February 06, 2008, 06:56:21 AM

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Lud

    Great Insults are like oil.......refined is better than crude.

I'm reading some books set in the 16-1700's and enjoy the style and then came on this list of insults, all classy  stuff.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were
my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife,
I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to
the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring
a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there
is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in
others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack
E Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt" - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae
West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts..
. for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." -
Groucho Marx



Nowadays with everybody being PC all the time, we don't have as much fun with our language as once upon a time     Got a favorite of your own? ;D ;D
Simplicity mill, Ford 1957 Golden Jubilee 841 Powermaster, 40x60 bankbarn, left-handed

sprucebunny

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." - Abraham Lincoln
Reminds me of a relative or two ::)

Those are some great classics.

I worked for a family run motel/restaurant years ago and the owner/wife was a master at telling people off in a way that took quite a bit of thinking to figure out  ;D I definately envied her ability !!!!

Suteltey   (sorry..can't spell it..I know there's a b in there somewhere.. ) is certainly a dieing art.  :(
MS193, MS192 and an 026  Weeding and Thinning. Gilbert Champion sawmill

asy

Subtlety is definitely an enviable art, one must eschew obfuscation at all times...

My favourite quote is: ""It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission"  Grace Hopper

And another is: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

They may not be humorous (unfortunately) but they are sage.

asy :D
Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
There cannot be a crisis next week. ~My schedule is already full..

Don P

What, you say you've never disappointed a creditor?
Why none has ever expected you would pay

You ask me why I do net send you my book
But then you would send me yours, heaven forbid

Caedicianus, if my reader
After a hundred epigrams still
Wants more, then he's a greedy feeder
Whom no amount of swill can fill.

I've been reading a bit of Martialis' epigrams.

How is it that a lame man does not annoy us while a lame mind does? Because a lame man recognizes that we are walking straight, while a lame mind says that it is we who are limping.
Blaise Pascal

'A man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.' Winston Churchill

Dave Shepard

Thanks for posting these. I like a good comeback. Twain and Churchill are my favorites.


Dave
Wood-Mizer LT40HDD51-WR Wireless, Kubota L48, Honda Rincon 650, TJ208 G-S, and a 60"LogRite!

submarinesailor

Dave - it's funny you said that.  I said the exact same thing when I sent them out to all my co-works here at the Energy Center.

Bruce

Faron

You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk."
"Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly and disgustingly fat. But tomorrow morning I, Winston Churchill, will be sober."




If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
- - - Charles Pierce


Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner.  Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote. - Ben Franklin

sawguy21

 :D :D :D :D
Lack of planning on your part does not necessarily constitute an emergency on my part.
old age and treachery will always overcome youth and enthusiasm

Coon

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most. :D
Norwood Lumbermate 2000 w/Kohler,
Husqvarna, Stihl and, Jonsereds Saws

scgargoyle

We pick on a guy at work about his singing:
"He took a stab at it, but didn't draw any blood."
"He makes a song his own. After he's done with it, nobody else wants it."
" If I could sing like that I wouldn't."
And another:
"He's as shallow as a picture of a glass of water."
"We've had 5 years of wedded bliss- out of 25 years of marriage."
I hope my ship comes in before the dock rots!

Slabs

So it was Grace Hopper that said that about permission and forgiveness.  I'm glad to learn that.  She's a lady that I admire greatly.  I would love to have had the oppurtunity to have a long evening conversation with her.

It's amazing to think that some of the early color computers had more capacity than the Eniac.  Ahhhh progress!!  2 GB jump drive for $35.   I can remember paying $1/ meg of RAM.
Slabs  : Offloader, slab and sawdust Mexican, mill mechanic and electrician, general flunky.  Woodshop, metal woorking shop and electronics shop.

Haytrader

It's not that you are fat, but would you roll on out of here.
Haytrader

submarinesailor

Slabs, you are correct. 

The amazing Grace was a wonderful lady to speak with.  I had the opportunity to fly from DC to Jacksonville with her one time about 24 years ago.  Sit next to her on the plane and we spoke about great many things.  It's not too many times you see and Admiral and a Navy Senior Chief just sitting there talking away.  She did ask me just a "few" questions about submarines and computer usage on them.  I have always loved her definition of 1 microsecond – a piece of wire 11and some inches long (if I remember correctly).

The Navy and the US sorely needes truly dedicated individuals like her.  She was something else.

Bruce

Kevin

Here's a complimentary insult  ;D


You don't look stupid!

Don P

Not great, just an observation  ::).
The only thing some folks leave behind on their travel down life's highway is the beer cans they've thrown in other peoples yards.

crtreedude

Ride your bike like you stole it!
So, how did I end up here anyway?

leweee

Quote from: Kevin on February 07, 2008, 07:07:32 AM
Here's a complimentary insult  ;D
You don't look stupid!

Hard to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.( Mark Twain )
just another beaver with a chainsaw &  it's never so bad that it couldn't get worse.

limbrat

On his deathbed with his family around. Dang the whole neat-o world and everyone in it but you, Carlotta. W.C.Fields his wife was Harriet, Carlotta was his mistress.

After being handed his offical death sentence by French revolutionaries.  I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.  Thomas de Mahy

ben

sawdust


My father in-law gave me a compliment one day... yer pretty smart for a city boy.

it genuinely was a compliment, he would not know sarcasm if it bit him. He is honest and blunt.
comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable.

Coon

A female at the local watering hole once said to me  "If you weren't so *DanG ugly I'd take you home with me."  ::)  I said "Sorry but, you look like something my dog drug home."   :o ;D   Of course she stormed off madder than an old mama bear that lost her cubs.
Norwood Lumbermate 2000 w/Kohler,
Husqvarna, Stihl and, Jonsereds Saws

Lud

I like the description of 'Complimentary Insult'.   It is a good way to say it.  Other ways to say it all work from the contrary contrasts.

Insulting compliment,  Reverse compliment, Contrary, Inside-Out, 180 ,flip-flop flattery, etc.

Sweet insult, truth with makeup, candycoated  haymaker, poisoned perception, etc.

They all involve a shift of wit but to some they may be the other way around. :)
Simplicity mill, Ford 1957 Golden Jubilee 841 Powermaster, 40x60 bankbarn, left-handed

Lud

Complimentary insults. That works.

For it to work. there has to be a shift of wit.  Done poorly,  it's the other way around. :D
Simplicity mill, Ford 1957 Golden Jubilee 841 Powermaster, 40x60 bankbarn, left-handed

woody1

My Dad and I were standing in his back yard and a friend stopped by with a suit on. I asked where he was. He said "I went to Tom's funeral". I said "I thought you didn't like ole Tom ?" He replied "I didn't. I just wanted to make sure the ole bugger was dead."
If you don't want to row, get out of the boat !

easymoney

this one is a classic. i dont know the author.
you dont sweat much for a fat girl.

DWM II

Boy, your as sharp as a rat turd--thats sharp on both ends.

My boss to me. :D
Stewardship Counts!

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