Time to tell one on myself

[Part_Timer]

Ok

I'm going to tell one on myself tonight.

We just started up this morning from our 5 day fix it outage at work this morning.  This year we have 3 new guys in the shop that had a rough go of things.  They were kind of down and needed a laugh SOOOOOOOO I told on myself and thought you might like it too.

I work in a recycle paper mill.  There are always coons and rats there. Lots and lots of big rats.  Well Last year I'm setting on a pipe about 3 feet I the air with my feet propped on a pipe just below me wiring a junction box.  Now I'm minding my own business not bothering anyone when this great big rat runs across the pipe my feet are on and up my leg across my zipper and starts down my other leg.   Man oh man I freak out.  I fall over backwards end over apple cart launching the rat in the air all the while screaming like a little girl.  I get to my feet wiggling and jumping around like I got a bee in my shorts.

Now this would not have been quite so embarrassing had it not been for one of my buddies standing there or should I say laying on the ground  rolling over and over laughing hysterically.  Now I know that we're supposed to be big macho logger/saw miller types but I fell perfectly within my rights to scream like a little girl when a rat runs across my zipper without and invitation.   : ;) :D :D

Oh well I may have been embarrassed but that rat got flying lessons. 8) 8)

Well the new guys got a laugh and felt a bit better and I hope you did too.

[Ed_K]

 Yup  ;) .

[DanG]

 :D :D :D

I ain't never had no rat treadin' on my zipper, but I've had a big ol' Cock-a-roach run up my leg before.  Arthur Murray ain't got nuthin' on them suckers!  They can teach ya to DANCE!!

[PineNut]

Try some fire ants. They will make you dance too.

[Dan_Shade]

I think a childhood experience with rats was my first use of profanity in the presence of an elder  ;D

[Don P]

I've never been a fan of going into a crawlspace to work. You gotta do it, but the first trip in has me on hyperalert mode  :D. I had to go under one that was tight enough that I had to decide to be on my back, arms ahead of me pulling along on the joists. The little voice in my head is singing "I don't like spiders and snakes" and my eyes are wide open. About halfway in is when something comes flying in from my peripheral vision. I don't care what they say, I know king cobras like shallow crawspaces and I've found one. I beat myself black and blue, I'm sure the floor was jumping, and as the echos of my terrific life and death struggle bounced through the neighborhood I had prevailed, dispatching ... that little mouse. Darn shame my spouse was holding the light  :D.

[Radar67]

Try some fire ants. They will make you dance too.

They'll make you come out of your clothes too!!! :D :D

Stew

[Texas Ranger]

Yup, aint a bit ashamed of the times I have dropped my drawers on the side of the road after I got out, looked at a stand, made about 6 steps back to the truck, and the DanG fire ants all bit and stung on cue.  they got to have a conductor that says, ah one and ah two, BITE!

[Paul_H]

them fire ants talk like ol Lawrence Welk eh?  :D

[Texas Ranger]

Yup, must be another DanGyankee inport.  ;D

[LeeB]

actually they do release a pherimone that triggers them to all sting at once. LeeB

[Part_Timer]

When I was a kid we pulled into grandpa house in FL just as he was stripping down to his skivies and running through the sprinkler.  We wantd to get out and play too but mom said no we better leave him play alone for a bit. :D :D :D :D :D  Seems he found a whole mess of them ants to play with.

Don ___doesn't it always seem that someone has to be there to witness our most    courageous acts. : :

Dan__ it sure wasn't my first use of profanity but Bobby said he hadn't heard those words used together like that before. ;)

Tonights story will be about the coons we find in the best palces at work.

[Patty]

Holy cow, I could fill a book with my acts.  :

The most recent one waas last week. I was looking for the mouse traps that I had put waaaay up on the top shelf of a closet under the basement steps. Every fall the mice pack their bags and head for their winter home, which just happens to be my house.  :  So I am reaching way up over my head for the stupid mouse traps, and I am up on my tippy toes, stretched way up to find the traps.....and I can feel this sack. So I pull the sack toward me so I can see if the traps are in it, and I got it just to the edge of the shelf. I was stretched up there so I could see and there and the sack was a snake. We were eye to eye.     Well! I screamed like a girl  : and the sack went flying one way and I high stepped it outta there the other way. I didn't slow down until I reached the office.
Norm took one look at me and asked what was wrong, and when I told him, he really tried not to laugh. (he did not try hard enough). He asked me where the snake was, figuring it was half way to Minnesota by then.     I am figuring it was impaled into the wall when I tossed it.  :D

[Part_Timer]

Patty

I tried real hard to but it didn't work.  Katie hates snakes too.  She was pulling sticks and leaves out from around her hostas and found one.  It learned to fly just like yours did.

[beenthere]

Patty
Da snake was figurin to get the meeces before you did, and had to keep you away from the traps. 

Sure reminds me of when my Aunt came outta da bathroom in the farmhouse being remodel'd, split seconds after she looked down at the worst time to find a snake coiled around the base of the toilet..........
My uncle laughed about that 'til the day he died at 92 last year. 

[Warren]

I was sealing up the inside of a silo one year for my BIL.  Still had about 6 inches of old silage in the bottom.  About 10:00pm in the evening.  Came down off the ladder, and a mouse went up the inside of my pant leg.  I started stomping and stamping....  Finally pinched the little dude about mid-thigh....  Continued stomping and stamping....

I have no recollection of what I said or yelled.  Only a sense of relief when the little bugger finally started south and ran out my pant leg and across the floor.  Needless to say, I packed it in for the evening and finished up the next day....

[Part_Timer]

Ifin one of them 4 legged buggers would have run up the leg on my pants I would have given him a wet ride back down and out.

[Paschale]

Patty
Da snake was figurin to get the meeces before you did, and had to keep you away from the traps. 

Sure reminds me of when my Aunt came outta da bathroom in the farmhouse being remodel'd, split seconds after she looked down at the worst time to find a snake coiled around the base of the toilet..........
My uncle laughed about that 'til the day he died at 92 last year. 

And his story's still getting mileage, since that one made me laugh out loud.   ;D

[DanG]

I'd better tell one on myself, before someone beat's me to it.  I told Blake22 about it today, and he's just itching to spread the word. : :D

As I got ready to pull out for Moultrie this morning, I paused to check the fluids in the truck.  The radiator was looking a bit thirsty, so I went to the shed for some anti-freeze.  I grabbed that familiar blue plastic bottle from the shelf and proceeded to top off my radiator.  When it first started pouring out, I sez, "DanG, that's some thick anti-freeze!"  At the same time, I glanced down at the jug and saw that it said, 80W90 Gear Oil on the label.  Fortunately, I only got a couple of tablespoons of it into the radiator, but the DanG truck smells like oil all the time now. :-\

[Ianab]

A couple of stories spring to mind.

First one was when I saw still at school, me and a friend would go out and hunt possums and sell them for the skins to make some pocket money. Now our possums are the Aussie type, really nice fur, but otherwise a mean bundle of claws and teeth. So standard hunting procedure was to drive around the farm on a tractor with a powerfull spotlight and a .22 rifle. When they heard the tractor they would climb a tree and you could pick the eyes out in the spotlight and shoot them. Easy enough.
So we are cruising along and spot one sitting on an old log, we stop and my buddy take the shot and the eyes vanish. He's sure he hit it, so I clamber into the blackberries to recover it. I look over the log it was sitting on and see a tail, so I reach down to grab it. Anyway it then runs under the log and climbs up my leg and ends up on my shoulder  : That wasn't so bad, untill my buddy says 'hang on ,I'll get the gun!" Anyway before he got back with the rifle the possum succumbed to the first shot, which had wounded it, and fell off my shoulder onto the log and died.  : He was a pretty good shot, but I didn't fancy him doing the William Tell thing off my head.

Another time was when we were milling and Kelv was cutting up a scrappy log for firewood as we were milling. Anyway I look up and see him doing a war-dance on his T-shirt. Seems he was sawing away and disturbed a BIG black hairy legged hunstman spider that was hiding in the bark. It leapt out and ran up his arm and into his shirt sleeve. Because he's hanging onto a saw running full throttle he couldn't brush it off before it made the cover of his shirt  :D Anyway we had to take a few minutes break to stop laughing and let Kelv's blood pressure return to normal. They aren't dangerous, but they are big and fast  ;)

Cheers

Ian

[Burlkraft]

I was on my annual Canadian fishing trip with my long time high school friends...one of which owns a cabin on the lake and 20 acres...We got into camp late and just wanted to sleep and unpack in the morning. I was in my room...yeah we all have our own rooms...of course there is no electricty and with my head light I put my bed together and got my sleeping bag out. It was hot...DanG hot...so I was just layin' on top of my sleeping bag, just wearin' a pair of shorts. I was just about asleep when somthin' hairy and with claws runs across my chest smiley_spider drop smiley_spider drop

Of course I flew out of bed instantly. Stuff is flyin'.....includin' the critter and it is darker than dark and I'm fumblin' fer a flashlight. Well it ends up that it was one of them little pine squirrels that had a nest in the closet......I guess he was as freaked out as I was.

Now ya would think that yer buddies would have a little sympathy fer ya...because it just as well could have been one of them.......It took a couple of hours for them to get up off da floor from laughin.....

[Modat22]

If someone got that on video part_timer we could make some money ;D

I've developed a firewood phobia this year, every time I go out when its dark to grap a few sticks I'm afraid I'm going to grab a copper head in the pile. This pile has been ricked up since last summer and has had plenty of time to become home to a few critters. I'm not afraid of snakes but I have a great respect for what they can do.

[Part_Timer]

OK Time to "rat" the son out.  Pardon the pun.

When Zac was about 8 or so he wanted a pet snake.  He wanted on real bad but, well katie and snakes just won't live in the same house at the same time.

Zac is trying to bargin with Katie and she goes and tells him if he can catch one he can keep it.  Soooooooooo out snake hunting we go.  he finds one under the hostas, where he saw kate teach that one to fly.  He runs inside and gets a pencile box to put it in runs back out and catches it.  NOW the fun begins he lays the snake in the box but can't find another hand to close the lid with so he drops the snake in the box and quick as he can slams the lid shut.  Unfortunatly he shuts his thumb in the box with the snake.  now the snake is mad about being interupted in his daily routine and decides to bite Zac on the finger.

Now Zac barganed for a snake caught a snake and he sure isn't going to let a little thing like a snake bite stop him so he runs for the house with tears running down his cheaks to show his new pet to his mom but on the way the snake gets a good one in and Zacks hands go in the air the snake goes flying and I'm laughing my butt off trying to be as sympathetic as possible. 

Well in the end mom doesn't live with a snake but she felt so bad about all of it that they setteled on "bearded dragons" instead with the understanding that Zac won't try to catch anymore snakes.

I'm thinking that there must be some flaw in the master plan.  The little crawling sneaking critters that keep sneaking up on us should have been given wings.  They spend more time flying through the air instead of crawling around. ;D

[thurlow]

I don't own up to this to just anybody  ;D.  My wife has a '51 Ford pick-up which she uses as a yard truck and to run down to the nursery to get some mulch on occasion, etc.  A few years ago, the gas tank got enough rust in it that it wouldn't start and it sat in the front yard for several months.  She'd tell me about twice a week that I needed to move her truck.  The day I finally decided to move it, there was no one around to help, but I've pulled "stuff" all my life........pull started tractors, pulled logs, you name it.  Found a 3 inch pipe about 10 feet long, ran a "log" chain thru it;  hooked the front of her truck to my pickup, taking as much slack out of the chain as possible.  Needed to drag it about 75 or 80 yards.    Put my pickup in 1st and started slowly across the yard.  Watching in the mirror and after about 50 feet.........horror of horrors...........the chain has somehow come undone from her front bumper and it's headed (slowly) down hill toward the 2-lane blacktop we live on.  Jerked my door open and in my hurry, fell out on my hands and knees;  as I'm getting up, I realize that my pickup.......a diesel 5-speed........is still in gear and is headed slowly towards my wife's prize red-bud tree.  So now I've got 2 run-away pickups in my front yard.  Without really thinking about which one to stop first, I sprint to my truck; shut it off and then head towards her's.  Catch it just before it reaches the road;  car load of teenagers going by give me the strangest look.  No harm done except for my pounding heart and my self-confidence.

[Don_Papenburg]

A few years ago I built a new machine shed . I had planned to add a new small door to one end at a later date . One winters day I needed to use my 4WD tractor . I fired it up and was going to let it warm up . I climed down from the cab , and thought that thing is running too fast so I climed back up about half way it started to move backwards . Before I got into the cab it had parcialy exited the new shed via the wall I wanted to put  adoor in. Well the new door works fine and I still can't figger how that tractor knew where I wanted the door .