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Santa's new contract!

Started by ADfields, December 03, 2002, 03:19:29 PM

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ADfields

From: Santa Claus
 I regret to inform you that, effective immediately will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.   Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract  was renegotiated by North American  Fairies and Elves Local 209.   As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.   However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.   His side of the family is from the South Pole.   He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.   Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.   He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.  8)

Thanks
Santa Claus




Bubba Claus

Kevin_H.

Had to go back and read the states to make sure I was still ok. ;D
Got my WM lt40g24, Setworks and debarker in oct. '97, been sawing part time ever since, Moving logs with a bobcat.

ADfields

I kinda wish I had Bubba Claus up hear.   Could be more fun! :) :D ;D :)

Jeff

Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Tom

Me too.  Must have been that last load of bird shot I sent up after that little fairy last year that made him go complain to the Union. dagnab sleighbells

Jeff

Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

ADfields

Ya Tom, Calm down.


Bubba Claus will return fire back at ya!   He's armed and has a grinch finder.   Dont want you to get in a shoot out with Bubba Claus now do we?
Andy

Tom

Well Bubba Claus sounds more like my kinda guy.  He'll probably fit into the neighborhood a little better. :)

Texas Ranger

Just so long as he keeps bringing ammo, knives, cleaning kits, and new boots each Christmas, Bubba will do all right.  Sept them sleigh bells.  Theys now cow bells, and the durn things will wake the dead! 8)
The Ranger, home of Texas Forestry

Bro. Noble

With all the musicians on the forum, we should get together and update some of the old recordings-----we could make a mint.  Can't you just see the lines of people waiting to buy "Here Comes Bubba Clause" or "I Saw Mama Kissing Bubba Clause"?

Noble
milking and logging and sawing and milking

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