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My wife

Started by Kevin, June 20, 2002, 06:34:07 PM

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Kevin

My wife comes in and asks ... is it humid out?

me ... I don`t know I haven`t been out.

her...can`t you tell ?

me... you need a (pause)(thinking hard now the word I`m trying to think of is barometer but it isn`t coming to me.)

her...a tv.

 :D

Tom

 :D that's rich kevin.  There pretty quick when they want to be, aren't they? :D

Kevin

It`s supper time and the wife is real busy in the kitchen.

me... in the living room well out of the way.

dog...on the floor between kitchen and living room watching every move the wife makes.

wife...back and forth between counter, fridge and stove.

dog... eyes glued to wife watching every move.

wife...can`t take it any longer and says to me ... YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL HIM IN THERE, he`s just wasting his time!

me... it`s his time.


 :D

Bro. Noble

I have been spending so much time at the computer lately that MY WIFE suspects that I'm having an on-line affair.

     Boy will she get mad if she finds out I'm getting ideas for new sawmill machinery.
milking and logging and sawing and milking

RavioliKid

Well, if it would set her mind at ease, I could send a "hot and heavy" email for her to intercept.

You could set her mind at ease that it's only a fling - you're not thinking about getting more sawmill equipment! ;)
RavioliKid

Bro. Noble

MY WIFE just happened to look over my sholder just as I made my last post.

I am recovering from sholder surgery (thats why I've had so much time to spend on the computer)  She had brought me a bowel of homemade icecream to comfort me when she saw what I was writing.

     MY WIFE sure can think of a lot of things that need to be done around the house that require only one arm.

     I've had MY WIFE for 36 years and thank God for every minute of it.

     Why isn't MY WIFE looking oner my sholder now?
milking and logging and sawing and milking

RavioliKid

 :D

Timing is everything!
RavioliKid

Kevin

Me... eating lunch

Her... THERE`S A FLY IN HERE

Me... still eating

Her... THERE`S TWO FLIES IN HERE, YOU`RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING

Me...  :-/

Jeff

Go back in time 21 years.

First married, 1 car. I didnt ever take house key to work because Tammy was there when I got home. One day she goes away with her mom and won't be back befor I get home and realizes I don't have a key to the house.

Me Pull in my driveway, walk up to the front door and read the note.

Her note:
Jeff,
Went with Mom, be back later. The key for the front door is hidden under the 5 gallon pail in the garage.

Love, Me
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Kevin

I`m out in the garage skinning a deer and have to go to the house to visit the bathroom.
My wife had left the house while I was in the garage and locked the house up tight.
I spent the day in the garage, no house keys, no truck keys,no bathroom, ... long day!

Jeff

All's I would need is matches, seasoning salt and a frying pan. Or maybe just a sharp stick. Yum
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

L. Wakefield

   (note to myself)...'on occasion, subject has been noted to eat sharp sticks with seasoning salt and seems to enjoy the experience...' :D :D :D  lw
L. Wakefield, owner and operator of the beastly truck Heretik, that refuses to stay between the lines when parking

Gordon

This happened last night

Wife: It's your turn to get up with the baby and feed it

Me: What am I supposed to feed it?

Wife: ugh never mind then anyway, I forgot I'm brestfeeding.

Me: Thanks, I'll keep the bed warm K

Wife: I figured that much, don't hurt yourself.

Me: K I'll try not to

Gordon

Kevin

The only problem I see here is once you feed them you gotta change them, I wonder who might be doing that?

Gordon

Shoot Kevin she does a better job changing those dirty diapers then I ever could. So far I haven't changed one yet.
 But that will change in time. The longer the time the better.

It's not too bad changing diapers until they put the smell in the poop.

Gordon

Kevin

Well she`s happy now, I installed a new clothes dryer for her today.
It`s not a big one, only twenty feet of line but she loves it.   ;D

Jeff

That almost reminds me of the last joke I told Tammy that got me smacked.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

Throw her a shovel.  :-X
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

SawBilly

Reminds me of:

Wife asks: What's on TV tonight?
You reply: Dust!

If you say this, you may well end up being a mummy wrapped with Resharp Bands.

Tom

Dust, that's good.  I'm always the one asking the questions I think.

Me  "What's for supper"?  (my favorite subject)

She "Food"

Me  "When"

She  "Later"  

Me   " :-/"

Haytrader

On the trip last weekend coming home from Branson.
(light mist is falling requiring intermittent wipers)

Wife is looking at map.

Mist lets up and I turn wipers off. Mist starts again.

I ask.....Well, do you see where we are?

Wife says.........Turn the wipers on.

I ask Why?

Ready??

Wife says........Cause I can't read the map.

 :D :D :D
Haytrader

Kevin

me... I might be gone next Saturday to meet up with a guy down below.

her... Who is that?

me... Jeff.

her... Is he married?

me... yep.

her... So he`s normal?

me... I didn`t say that.

 :D  :D  :D

I`m still thinking about that one.
married as opposed to what ... a serial killer?  :D

Jeff

Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Jeff

her... I'm getting a new watch

me... You dont need one

her... Why?

me... There's a clock on the stove

her...

Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Kevin

You better eat out tomorrow, it`ll be safer.

Jeff

Wife... Does Kevin really think you might be a serial Killer?

Me...Um... I don't think so honey.
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

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