Author Topic: Sir, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!! (Read 1272 times)

etat · « **on:** June 12, 2004, 08:51:28 pm »

Refreshing your memory here a while back when that boy of mine Jeremy wrecked that Pathfinder.

We was all glad he was alive and told him so. Took a few driving lessons. Hopefully learned him a bit of a lesson.

Didn't ground him, but told him if he had another wreck I'd ground him forever!!!!

Got him a little straight shift car in the hopes of improving his coordination.

Last night he went to the church to shoot basketball.

Called me just after dark, "Daddy, my foot slipped off the clutch and I hit Tommy's truck. At the church. Didn't hurt his 'bumper' but I broke out my headlight."

I told him to catch a ride home with his sister. Not much said, figured I'd get to it later.

Today: way up in the morning, "Daddy, can I go get my car".

Son, remember what I said, no wrecks you're grounded for at 'least two weeks', you've GOT to learn to be careful"

"ok daddy" and conversation ended.

notice we still haven't gotten to the interrogation part yet!

To be continued !!!!!........

Patty · « **Reply #1 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:11:13 am »

Oh now Charles, you were young once! At least he called and told you the truth about it, alot of kids would have said they had no idea how the head light got smashed. That is what I would've done, "You see dad, I just came out of church, and there it was, smashed! Must be one of those hit & run accidents."

Grounding them works real well, the worst punishment we could dole out for our boys was to take their car away so they had to ride the bus with all the little kids.It nearly killed them.

We also made them pay for their own repairs, out of pocket. We didn't think turning it in on insurance was a very good lesson to be learned. Jeremy seems like a great kid, he will learn from your "little talks"

etat · « **Reply #2 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:35:38 am »

Patty, this story might not wind up the way you're thinking!

There's quite a little twist involved per the title of the thread, I wouldn't a named it that without a 'specific reason' to do so!

.

WeeksvilleWoodWorx · « **Reply #3 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:38:33 am »

Maybe the Pooleece are involved

etat · « **Reply #4 on:** June 13, 2004, 08:13:12 am »

Better jump in and clear that up, weren't the police, maybe another parent

.......the fact that 'we were all young once will also play into this heavily..........

etat · « **Reply #5 on:** June 13, 2004, 08:21:50 am »

back to the point.....

End of conversation. Notice I still haven't conducted my interrogation, but we both know that will come.

After dinner, a car pulls in the driveway. We're all out in the driveway installing a meter box and wiring.

Car stops, Lady gets out,,,,, with her son.

I notice out of the corner of my eye Jennifer and Jeremy looking somewhat 'surprised', but not 'scared'. Especially when she pulled into the wrong driveway, and even before she turns into theirs they say she's coming here. Reminds me somewhat of the image of the cat that swallowed the canary. Them gears are starting to turn in my head.

Introductions are made, I KNOW this girl, vaguely, I used to run with her brother back in the day. She was just a little kid but she calls my attention to the fact that she knew me.
And then she hits me with:

'SIR, WE HAVE A PROBLEM",

them gears in my head are spinning faster

"You know about the 'wreck' last night", and again,

"Sir WE HAVE A PROBLEM" "ME AND YOU"

"WE'VE GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!!"

Them gears are starting to vibrate and hum loudly!!!!!

To be continued........(if anyone is interested that is)

Bruce_A · « **Reply #6 on:** June 13, 2004, 09:34:58 am »

Sir you seeem to be dragging a foot, or two. I might be able to find some small wheels if it would cut down on the foot dragging approach to this story. I have eight children and wnat to here [read] your pain.Please!!!!

Rocky_J · « **Reply #7 on:** June 13, 2004, 11:22:23 am »

Yeah, cut to the chase.

Lemmie guess-
She is mad because YOUR son hit HER kid's car and SHE wants YOU to pay some large amount of money for whatever. Of course her kid is not at fault whatsoever and your kid has a history of wrecking so it is ALL YOUR FAULT for allowing this menace to roam free on the roads in a 3000lb killing machine! So therefore YOU ARE LIABLE and she is going to SUE YOU!

Sometimes you just wanna smack the crap outta people like that. OK, I'm done. You may continue your story now.

etat · « **Reply #8 on:** June 13, 2004, 11:39:22 am »

Bruce_A, no need of calling me sir, ck will do!

WOW, 8 children and here I thought it was tough raising 3.

My oldest son and I are not on speaking terms, due to circumstances beyond my control. I strongly feel much of this is my fault, and yet, I'm not sure what I could have done different. The pain there is that I have been unable to see my grandson, since he was born. Four months ago. That is real pain, and yet I have resolved myself to biding my time. Patience is hard, but perhaps because of our conflicts I have tried to exercise much more of it with the two children that are still at home. To learn to understand their problems, and to teach what I can. To try to remain a family.

As I said, there will be a twist to this story. I assure you, any pain will be minimal. Assuredly I am dragging my feet. Perhaps this will give time for you, others, and I to reflect along the way!

Bruce_A · « **Reply #9 on:** June 13, 2004, 12:48:42 pm »

Ck it is. I have a similar case with my youngest. Not on speaking terms with her over the last several years. She was a drug baby that my wife and I adopted when she was five years old. It gets better. But that would make a long story for me to try to type today. At least one of my children has some type of crisis every day. My wife likes to have get togethers with the kids a lot and she sometimes forgets that it is time for them to move on. I try to set parameters on what I expect when any of them are around, but we have to be able to roll with the changes each moment, about like the roll of a small boat in rough water. After the fact, we can only adjust our own feelings, and step forward with the appearance of leadership for our flock. Sometimes I would like to just sit down and cry over some of the things they do that hurt my feelings. My oldest daughter drove past within a mile of here a couple weeks back on her way home seven hours from here. Five of the others were here with most of the grandkids and I was expecting to here her drive in also. Wasn't to be and I came near to biting a hole in my lower lip for want of saying some hurtful things to her later in the week when she got around to calling. I do a lot remembering of my youth whenever this type of program arises. I know that I hurt my parents feelings too and hope they were able to forgive also.

RavioliKid · « **Reply #10 on:** June 13, 2004, 05:24:58 pm »

CK,

Please get on with the story! You have my full attention.

I'm riveted...

Stump Jumper · « **Reply #11 on:** June 13, 2004, 06:37:05 pm »

We are listening! Hope that it won't be to bad beacuse it happened in the church parking lot and hopefully everyone involved can show a little forgiveness.

etat · « **Reply #12 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:19:03 pm »

As I suspected almost everyone is having the same reaction. Suspecting the worst, as I was. Like I said, them gears were churning something fierce as this Lady was serious.
___________________________________________________

A bit more you need to know, I mentioned a while back on the Full Membership Board that there were a number of kids that had taught Jeremy to balance a regular bicycle. This was a really big thing cause he's a bit weak on his right side. That's another reason I felt a straight sticked car would help his coordination. I found out this kid was one of the crew who helped him.

__________________________________________________

Now back to the story, and reminding you this happened yesterday:

"WE'VE GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!!"

Them gears are starting to vibrate and hum loudly!!!!!

She then asked me what I had said or done to Jeremy for wrecking the car.

I told her we hadn't really discussed it 'yet', we had set a time to later in the day and so far I only told him he couldn't drive for two weeks.

She said, "Thank God you haven't scolded or whipped him, IT WAS MY SON WHO WAS UNDER THE WHEEL!!!!!!!!!"

The story began to piece together. Something under the car was making a racket. The kids were trying to find the cause, (turned out to be a loose tailpipe}. They wanted someone to pull the car up as they watched from the sides to locate the problem. This kid eagerly 'volunteered', popped the clutch, and hit another boy's bumper. This kid was younger and scared. Jeremy took the blame also knowing it was somewhat his fault for letting someone else crank the car.

I listened quietly. I turned to her son. He started explaining and I stopped him. I said, "Son, I'm PROUD to have you and Jeremy to be friends. I'm Proud Jeremy was willing to take all the blame, and I'm proud you told your mama the truth. That makes me KNOW that you two are some pretty stand up guys!"

I then turn to his mama who is just now breathing a sign of relief. She offers to pay for the car. I tell her I've got a much better idea, (and then I call her aside and remind her of something similar I saw her do back in the day!!!!! Let's just say that when she let her mama's car roll down that hill there was more than just a busted headlight!!!!

)

I told her I needed some work done. Much cleaning up around the house I'm building picking up scraps and things. Told her I thought the boys ought to work for ME a couple of weekends to pay for the damage!!!!

.

The boys were tickled they weren't in trouble. They were smiling and told me they'd be eager to do the work. We run em off for a spell and talked about old times. My wife was there the whole time and at the end she was smiling too.

Although they're not supposed to start until next Saturday Jeremy's friend came over today and they started cleaning up, and helping me. We also grilled hamburgers and had a really good time.

NO COPS, NO LAWSUIT, NO REAL DAMAGE OTHER THAN THEM KIDS LEARNING ANOTHER ONE OF LIFE'S LESSONS. I'M PROUD AS PUNCH OF THEM!!!!!!1

I think that as parents we should listen to our kids. Before we think the worst and start screaming or whipping we should be thinking about what we can do to teach them to learn from their mistakes. And when they do need punishing to make sure that the punishment fits the crime.

Rocky_J · « **Reply #13 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:27:09 pm »

Geez, you sure have an effective way of making me feel like a fool, always expecting the worst of people. Nothing like what I expected. Seems like I may need to reevaluate my judgemental tendencies. Glad you shared your story, thank you.

pasbuild · « **Reply #14 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:27:33 pm »

WELL DONE

Tom · « **Reply #15 on:** June 13, 2004, 07:36:50 pm »

Proud of you Charles. Yep!, and the boys too. That all worked out pretty good, didn't it. Bet you were really concerned about what you were going to have to do to punish your boy.

That's what we call "pulling the fat out'a the fire."

etat · « **Reply #16 on:** June 13, 2004, 08:11:53 pm »

If it'd a been me at that age I'd a used Patty's cover story. "I don't know HOW that light got busted". Part of my reasoning would have been I'd KNOW I was gonna get my butt busted anyways and I'd be trying to talk my way out of it.

Rocky, I'd a been the one that felt like a fool if I'd a started on him talking rough and whipping. Can you imagine what I'd be feeling now, and what a mistake I'd a made. I'm trying to learn not to administer immediate punishment but to rather let both parties reflect on things and then concentrate on problem solving, and punishment when needed. Much as Patty stated earlier. Grounding, TV priviledges, extra work are VERY effective punishment, much more so than whippings.

Tom, you nailed my feelings exactly. That boy has been doing so good I was dreading having to carry on. And it's unreal that the boy and his mother came over just to admit fault and take up for my boy and offer to pay for the damages.

Fla._Deadheader · « **Reply #17 on:** June 13, 2004, 08:16:54 pm »

Yer a good man, CK. Handled that probably better than I would have. Proud of the whole lot of ya's.

Norm · « **Reply #18 on:** June 14, 2004, 05:32:13 am »

Good lesson for all of us parents CK, I too have let my temper get the best of me at times only to regret it afterward. Many a time when my boys were growing up I sat down later and apologized for yelling before thinking, something my dad never did.

Darn proud of those two boys too.

Cedarman · « **Reply #19 on:** June 14, 2004, 06:24:24 am »

It is amazing how many times we keep learning that assume is made of 3 words.

SwampDonkey · « **Reply #20 on:** June 14, 2004, 04:22:04 pm »

What? Only a busted head light?

Swallow this one CK

My bother has destroyed 4 ski-doos, 5 automobiles, 2 motor bikes, and a quad racer. He never ran any of those items a whole year before they were destroyed.

Never a finger lifted by father, no ground'n no nut'n. This was over a 10 year period. Every once in awhile we all here from him 'Oh, I take care of my stuff'. We have a deceased uncle whom he is a spit'n image of and as long as my brother is on this earth, he'll never die because of his ways about him, and not all negative. hahahhaha

My folks are the best on the planet.

Be good to yer kids

karl · « **Reply #21 on:** June 14, 2004, 06:55:45 pm »

Good for you CK!
Nice to know there are two good teenageers left in the world too.

karl

etat · « **Reply #22 on:** June 14, 2004, 07:03:08 pm »

I don't know Swamp, I'm more of the opinion being good to your kids means setting bounderies, teaching, and adminstering punishment when needed. Still learning as I go. That oldest boy of mine I grounded a few times, and at the last minute I'd let him go. Pretty sure now that a couple of times that was a mistake. I havn't been too bad to whip my kids, never had too much. But they ever get the idea they can run wild and tear up one car after another, I'm gonna wear their little butts out!!!!! And if they're still living at home...... I promise you they'll be walking!

Corley5 · « **Reply #23 on:** June 14, 2004, 07:06:46 pm »

RavioliKid · « **Reply #24 on:** June 14, 2004, 08:37:46 pm »

You're a good papa, ck!

SwampDonkey · « **Reply #25 on:** June 15, 2004, 04:02:27 am »

Well father has a passive attitude toward everything. Personally, my way of thinking about discipline and punishment is in line with your own. But, one thing to keep in mind here is that my brother had to pay for his mistakes out of his own pocket. So he never could save a penny, always spend, spend, spend. Mother always had to handle his money. To this day if he comes into some money it's spent in no time. Then, at work he injured his back and can't work now. So father has to keep him on a set trust fund, so much a month. I blame my parents for not teaching him the hard lessons in life, he was never made to grow up.

Swede · « **Reply #26 on:** June 15, 2004, 12:56:53 pm »

Sir Grandpa; YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM!!!!

You´ve done good (and still doing good) as a parent, when your son, his friend and his friends mother acts that way.
I know familys where the kids never makes anything wrong. They are just unhappy always being in place every time the forest begins to burn.........................

You also know how to tell a story..............

Thank You!

Swede.

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Author Topic: Sir, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!! (Read 1272 times)