Heard a good one Lately??

[Percy]

So old Nick Dobrankochuk goes to visit Orist, his highschool buddy he hasnt seen in 20 years. Orist picks him up at the airport and they start the drive back to Orist's house. Orist drives very fast and has Nick kinda worried. They come to a red light and Orist just stomps the gas pedal and roars thru the intersection. Luckily they made it thru without incident. Nick is sweating and doesnt want to say anything to push Orist over the edge so he just keeps quiet and hangs on. At the next light, which happened to be red, Orist does the same thing, just roars thru. Nick finally says "Hey Orist, you be driving like maniac. Who the heck taught you how to drive?"  
Orist says " Cousin Mike showit me how to drive."
At the next light which happened to be green. Orist slows right down and almost comes to a stop. Nick says" what for you slowing down??"
Orist says "Cousin Mike might be comming."

[oldsaw-addict]

  :Dstill laughing.

[shopteacher]

That's a good one, Percy.  

[Bibbyman]

Did you hear they stopped the sale of beer in Busch Stadium?  They lost the opener,  you know.

I heard a good one about a farmer that snuck is pet rooster into the movie theater but I can’t tell it or I’ll get into trouble.

[Duane_Moore]

  ;Dall right Percy.. good one   laughing :DDuh---Duane

[hiya]

One we got in an e-mail.
Jane was making bake beans for the church pot luck that evening. Litttle Johny came through the kitchen with his b-b gun in one hand and ahand full of b-bs in the other. He tripped and some of the b-bs went into the beans. He decided he didn't want a hassel so he kept quiet.The next day Mary the church secetary called, Jane what did you put in your beans? They were good ,but this morning I bent over to feed the cat and I shot the canary.

[etat]

An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,"Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too.

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang,how's about gettin' me a cold glass of RC!" He too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up,and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Hey, man, don't touch me...... I'm drawin' disability!!!!!"

[CHARLIE]

A man's at the bar enjoying a cold one.

After awhile, he needs to go to the restroom but was afraid someone would take his beer while he was gone.

So he leaves a note by his beer that read; "Don't drink this beer, I spit in it." and he went to the restroom.

When he came back, he noticed another note by his beer. It read; "I spit in it too."

[Dugsaws]

  still laughing  

[Lem]

 
Do'n my taxes today...
Anyone of you guys ever deduct Exlax as a mov'n expense???
 Lem

[Percy]

 
I couldnt fix the brakes on my car.........so I got a louder horn.... :DThe trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished