Family Tree

[Bibbyman]

Cousins.  I’ve got hundreds of them.   See,  my grandma on my mother’s side buried three husbands.   Her second and third were widowers with children before she married them.  In total,  grandma gave birth to 16 children and raised 8 more.   My mother was of the last “litter” of eight.  

A few years ago,  Mary and I attended an anniversary party for my Aunt Abby – my mom’s younger full sister, and Uncle Ed.  We were seated at a long folding table with two other couples.  Cousin Keith - son of mom’s older full brother, sat across from me.  Keith’s wife Hazel sat beside him.  Mary sat beside me.  Cousin Roy – son of Abby sat next to Mary on the end with his wife Debbie seated across from him and next to Hazel.  

Not confusing yet.  Just three first cousins with spouses sitting at a table.

Along come four year-old Tiffany and jumps up on Keith’s lap and hugs him around the neck and says “Hi Daddy.”  She then turns her attention to the opposite corner occupied by cousin Roy and says; “Hi Grandpa.”  

Now things began to get more confusing. If Keith,  Roy and I are full cousins.  How could Keith be Tiffany’s daddy and Roy Tiffany’s granddad?  Well,  that’s not all the confusion and complications.  I sat there the rest of the evening trying to untangle this branch of the family tree.  

See..  Roy was first married to Hazel and they had three girls – Sanya,  Tabatha,  and Becky.   Then they got divorced.   About the same time Keith and his first wife got divorced.  Then Roy married Debbie and Keith married Hazel.  

Everyone lived happily ever after.   Then Tabatha gave birth to Tiffany sans a husband.  As Tabatha came along with Hazel,  Keith and Hazel adopted Tiffany.  

So what do we have here;  in an untangled family tree,  Tiffany and Keith are third cousins and Roy and Hazel are her natural grandparents.  But because she was also adopted by Keith and Hazel,  that would make Keith her adopted father and Hazel her adopted mother.  

There are other possibilities too.  If Hazel is Tabatha’s mother and Tiffany is also adopted by Hazel,  then wouldn’t that make Tabatha and Tiffany (natural mother and daughter) also stepsisters?   Keith could be considered Tiffany’s step-grandpa because he replaced Roy.  Because Keith and Roy are first cousins and Keith is Tiffany’s adopted dad,  then Roy and Tiffany are second cousins by adoption.  But because Keith is also Tabatha’s step dad,  then that would make Roy and Tabatha step second cousins and Tiffany step third cousins.

Now,  would you like me to explain how mom has one and a half sisters named Opal?  

[DanG]

Hoo Hoooooo!  I thought maybe I'd find a glaring flaw in all that, but about 12 too many fence posts, and  2 too many barley pops got the better of me about half way through.  Your family sounds like mine. My Grammaw was one of 8 offsprings, 6 of whom were married to a sibling-in-law. I have concluded that either they had found the Mother Lode of prospective mates, or pickin's was slim in pre-WWI Eldorindo, Ga.

[Ron Wenrich]

Or as Jeff Foxworthy says:  You know you're a redneck if family reunions are dating opportunities.