Murphy's other laws.

[Okrafarmer]

I think we all know about Murphy and his law. "If anything can go wrong, it will." Well, I'd like to think that was only Murphy's most famous law. Here's what this post is about: That law by Murphy has to have been his first.

(btw, here is Wikipedia's entry about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphy%27s_law )

 So we are going to list all his laws, starting at the beginning. I will list as many as I can think of. Number them as they go, picking off where the last person left off!

1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. The skidder only breaks down if you're three miles back in the woods.
3. The trick always works every time except when you're demonstrating it.
4. The surest way to ensure you won't need something is to take it with you.
5. If you decide to leave something behind, you will surely need it.
6. You never end up with any use for that thing you've kept for twenty years until four days after you irretrievably throw or give it away.
7. You can go for ten miles at night without meeting anyone coming the other way, until three seconds after you decide to put your bright headlights up.
8. If a machine can "get" you, it will.
9. If you're going somewhere and forget to take something, it will always be that one thing without which it is impossible to do what you went for.
10. The cop never stops you for going 5 over the speed limit except the one time you forgot and left your wallet at home.
11. A falling tree gravitates toward the most expensive object in its circumference.
12. All knives, watches, sunglasses, and cell phones will be lost or destroyed before they can be worn out.
13. The cat never throws  up on the rug unless you have company over.
Your turn. . . .

[sprucebunny]

14, If there is a defective part on the shelf, it will be the one I take home.

[jdtuttle]

15. If you want to hit metal: Put a new band on
jim

[Okrafarmer]

16. It won't rain unless you leave the windows down on your vehicle. Then it will pour two inches before you can get to it and close them.

[JohnG28]

17. The week you take off for vacation is the worst week of the summer.

[scgargoyle]

18) When both of your hands are covered in nasty grease/oil/gunk, you will have an itch.

[John Bartley]

The first corollary to Murphy's law : Murphy was a raving optimist....

[pineywoods]

The NASA addendum to murphy's law..anything that can go wrong will, and it will happen at the worst possible time..

[Okrafarmer]

19. The phone only rings at the worst possible time. (ie,  see #18.)

[PC-Urban-Sawyer]

20. Herb Collary: If you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right, 90% of the time you'll get it wrong...

[John Mc]

The first corollary to Murphy's law : Murphy was a raving optimist....

I had heard that one as:

O'Toole's Observation: Murphy was an optimist

[Jeff]

21.  If you get a windfall of cash from somewhere, this will cause either the refrigerator, washing machine or your vehicle to break or need to be replaced for at least an equal or greater amount of money.

[BBK]

Murphy's ultimate corolary.

Whenever time, money, effort and expertise has been exhausted toward the solution of a particular problem, and the result has been complete failure, the actual solution will be immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who happens along.   

[SPIKER]

Fish only bite two days a week, the day before I go fishing and the day after!

if it aint broke dont fix it, if it is broke your too late to fix it right.
(which goes with) There is not enough time or money to fix it right but there is time/money later to fix it again and again and again....


Mark

[Okrafarmer]

Murphy's ultimate corolary.

22.Whenever time, money, effort and expertise has been exhausted toward the solution of a particular problem, and the result has been complete failure, the actual solution will be immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who happens along.   

[Okrafarmer]

23. Fish only bite two days a week, the day before I go fishing and the day after!

24. if it aint broke dont fix it, if it is broke your too late to fix it right.
(which goes with)
25. There is not enough time or money to fix it right but there is time/money later to fix it again and again and again....


Mark

[Okrafarmer]

26. As soon as you buy a new computer, it was obsolete the week before.

[doctorb]

27.  The first major repair of any piece of equipment is always within ten days of paying the final installment on the loan you used to purchase it.

Doctorb

[John Mc]

27.  The first major repair of any piece of equipment is always within ten days of paying the final installment on the loan you used to purchase it.

or a week after the warranty ran out.

[Okrafarmer]

27.  The first major repair of any piece of equipment is always within ten days of paying the final installment on the loan you used to purchase it.

or a week after the warranty ran out.

Yes.

[iffy]

28 Inanimate objects can think.

[Okrafarmer]

29. You are most likely to stay awake or fall asleep at a time when it is most important that you not do so.

30. The car / truck / tractor / chainsaw always runs really well. Except when you try to demonstrate it to a potential buyer.

[whiskers]

Small brass parts that a magnet won't find are more easily dropped in the leaves than on the shop floor.

[Okrafarmer]

31.Small brass parts that a magnet won't find are more easily dropped in the leaves than on the shop floor.

Very true. And even more likely in tall weeds. With thorns. And ants.

[Randy88]

32. The lane of traffic you are currently in always moves slower than the one beside you.
33.  The part you critically need was just sold to the guy you met at the door on his way out of the store and now they are on backorder
34.   The part that is the most critical that was sent to you by the mail will always be the one lost in transit and take weeks to get, but the spare one you didn't need will show up tomorrow.
35.    The part that takes the longest to get will be the one that you know where you lost it but have no way to retrieve it [I saw the broken part fly off as it snapped and it landed about 20 ft out in the pond] or I was walking to my truck in town and as I grabbed my keys out of my pocket they slipped and fell down the manhole and I can see them under the welded on grate about 6 feet down stuck along one side and its a coded ignition key, and its starting to rain and in about 30 seconds it'll wash away and my truck with some wire in it is about a minute away.
36.    The 1 dollar fuse will not blow at all to save the 1000 dollar computer and if theres a short in the system the fuse will blow a few milliseconds after the computer goes up in smoke
37.    The first day you have all the doctor and hospital bills paid in full someone gets hurt or sick and you start over again.
38.    The cost of the part broken with be directly proportional to the location its on the machine, the 5000 dollar part is easy to get to and replace, the 5 dollar snap ring will take 5000 dollars worth of labor to intstall.
39.     The larger the job being bid the closer the bids where that you ended up losing the job to, say for example the 10,000 dollar job will be lost by a 1000 dollars and the 100,000 dollar job will be lost by say 500 bucks.
40.      Any job you go look at in good weather will always be the one done in the worst weather.
41.      All the years of owning used equipment your told its too old and they don't readily stock parts for it and you have to wait a few days for them to come in and the only piece you ever bought new they tell you its so new they don't stock parts at all and haven't got any shipped to them yet and they are in a different country and it'll be months before they have them
42.    The fuel guage is never off in the right direction to ever save running out of gas.
43.     You can fix all the fuel guages in everything you own and you'll be the first to run whatever your driving out of fuel because the guage quit working on the unti your running and it shows the wrong level.
44.    The problem you need to get fixed nobody will have ever experienced before and they spend days or weeks trying to figure out and when you go to get it after its fixed someone else comes in with the same problem and they use the experience they learned on you and have the other guy going in minutes and for a few dollars worth of tme and you spend months to pay the thousands of dollars worth of repairs bills, and the other guys says now thats a cheap easy fix.
45.    The harder to see into the fuel tank the more incorrect the fuel gauge will be, the easier to see the more accurate it is, the more difficult to see into the tank, the more inaccurate the guage, the harder it is to prime or get to it to prime the fuel once its run out.

I'm sure a lot of these are covered in previous posts but its nice to relate directly to my work and not just theory.

[Chuck White]

46.  When you're sawing, sawdust will get into your pickup regardless of the wind direction!

[SPIKER]

47;  Inevitably you will not find the one part / item you need to finish the job no matter how long you look, when you finally give up and go buy a new one the following will happen usually in order from (A through E.) each occurring with the rare chance one might be skipped.

A. when you get to the store they will have closed just 5 minutes before you get there. (see rule 32, 42.)

B. When you get there they one part you need is on back order/out of stock. (see rule 33 thru 35)

C. you get there in time buy the part drive all way back home and when you get there it is too late to finish the job so you take the NEW part to the (name the place) Shed Garage Barn ect. lay it down and right where you lay it down you find the first one you couldn't find no matter how many hours you looked for it previously.  (see rules 38, 40 & 44)

D. When you get back to the project you cant find EITHER of the two parts you KNOW you have no matter how long you look ! 

E. Refer back to the start (See rule 47) and start the process all over!

Mark

[Okrafarmer]

46.  When you're sawing, sawdust will get into your pickup and your eyes and your pockets and other places that would be TMI regardless of the wind direction!

NEXT # is 48.

[ANVILMAN]

@48      A pipe cut to length  isn't

[IMERC]

18) When both of your hands are covered in nasty grease/oil/gunk, you will have an itch.

or swat the 'skeeter that's chewing on yur ear...

or brush yur hair outta of eyes...

[ANVILMAN]

If you have a 50-50 chance at being right you will be wrong 90% of the time

[Okrafarmer]

.49If you have a 50-50 chance at being right you will be wrong 90% of the time

[Randy88]

When you want to take an important call on your cell phone it'll only ring twice not giving you enough time to get it out of your pocket and go to voice mail and when someone calls you'd rather not talk to it'll ring 12 times before going to voice mail.    If its an other kind of call the standard amount of rings is about 4 and then voice mail.  I've had six phones now over the years and they all work the very same way and it doesn't help to tell the phone its a call I'd rather not take when it is important, it just knows so it must fall under inanimate objects can think catagory or else inanimate objects can understand mental thoughts, not sure which.   

[Okrafarmer]

.50 When you want to take an important call on your cell phone it'll only ring twice not giving you enough time to get it out of your pocket and go to voice mail and when someone calls you'd rather not talk to it'll ring 12 times before going to voice mail.    If its an other kind of call the standard amount of rings is about 4 and then voice mail.  I've had six phones now over the years and they all work the very same way and it doesn't help to tell the phone its a call I'd rather not take when it is important, it just knows so it must fall under inanimate objects can think catagory or else inanimate objects can understand mental thoughts, not sure which.   

.51 When you are waiting at a traffic light and you think the sensor hasn't picked you up, or it's just going to take a long time, the only way to make the light turn green quick is to put the truck in neutral and take your foot off the clutch.

[paul case]

52.  when you are as far from the house as you can get on the 4 wheeler or horse back checking fence with only 9 or 10 gates to shut between you and the house or a barn, it will rain harder than ever before, drenching you to the bone and also your wallet(not that theres much in it) and your cell phone.  pc

[Mark K]

53. When you drive a mile back in the woods with the skidder, cut your hitch and realize the choker chains are in the back of your truck from the night before.

[Randy88]

54.Today when I replaced my blowen hydraulic hose on the backhoe and didn't take the time to do both on the same cylinder at the same time, with one hour left to go on the job I blew the other hose and no spare, and its the hardest one to change on the whole machine, but the easiest one to replace has never yet blown out its still the original one and I've done all the rest many times over, but I do have the spare for the easy one but its too short to reach and use as a repacement for any of the other ones.

55. When the owner who I was digging for needed a waterline shut off installed "knew" where the line was at and knew there was three other lines in the same area and told me not to dig where "I" thought it was at because it was a waste of time and after finding and hitting all three wrong line I dug where "I" thought we should have in the first place and found it in ten minutes and didn't hurt it at all but this way we spent 9 hours looking for some that where the wrong ones.   Afterwards the owner said and I quote "Wouldn't you know it the last place I'd thought it would be"

56.  All electronic devices not waterproof will be attracted to water deep enough to submerge the device, {cell phones}

57.   When standing in a hole filling with water the water level will always reach a debth greater by one inch than your boots are tall.   

58.   A machine sinking in the mud will always sink at a rate just greater than the time it takes to get another machine there to pull the sinkng one out, if it takes five minute to get another there it will sink in 4 minutes if it takes an hour it'll sink in 50 minutes.

59.   A burst waterline will put out 3 times more water per minute if its in a hole vs. the same size line on top of the ground.

60.  Any leaking or bust waterline thats in a hole will put out slightly more water per minute than any sump pump you have to use at the time and have running in the hole already.

61.   Buried waterlines can move on there own and not be where you buried them the last time, either deeper, shallower, or sideways by up to 10 ft. 

62. Gravity carries water downhill unless its in a hole and your standing uphill from the leaking line, its attracted to anyone wearing rubber boots.

63.   The deeper the water your standing in at the time will determine how hard it'll start to rain.

64.   It'll rain harer still if the hole your in can have water run into it vs a hole where the water can't run into say for example on top of a hill, very little will it rain, on the bottom of the hill in a valley a down pour gulley washer will run into the hole and refer to #59,#60,#62,#63

65.  The more you need help thats not there will determine how poor of cell reception you have, the worse the need the poorer the reception.

66.    The likely hood of the burst waterline being in an open area that would not require cement to be broken up to get to will never happen.

67.   The worse the leak the thicker the cement and the less likely it will be the water can run away from where your working. 

68.  The wetter you are while repairing waterlines it'll be cold and miserable as all get out and wishing it was hot and sunny and when you get to work in the woods it'll be hot as h-ll with bugs and skeeters eating you alive and wishing it would rain a little and cool off.

69.   The waterline you hit and totally destroy will be a different size than anything you have parts for and it'll be 10 minutes after all the parts places have closed for the day.   

70.   The farther you walk to get to your truck the less likely it'll be you have the parts/wrenches you need in it.

71.   The first thing you threw in the truck and is burried will be the first thing you need to get out.

72.    The wrench you left at home will be the critical tool you need to do the job at hand, when you go to retrieve it at home you'll find it was put in your truck by someone else and its in a place you'd never thought to look.

Nobody whos afraid of deep holes with water filling up in it while they are standiing in it or are a plumber should ever buy a backhoe and if they do.
73.    Even if you bought if far from home and hauled it in at night under the cover of darkness and hid it in the back of your shed so nobody knew you had it, someone in need of one and the idiot to operate it will know you have it and come lookng for you to do thier repairs.   

74.   No matter how good of a deal you got on it its still always cheaper to hire someone else to fix your waterlines.

75.    The locate people are not always accurate on where they say stuff is at and the higher priced the thing you destroy the more inaccurate the locate was.   

76.    No matter what your told otherwise, if you break it you pay for it, plain and simple.

77. Utility companies are slightly hostile when you hit their stuff, even more so than other people, even if they marked it wrong, if they did mark it wrong refer to #76

78.    If you work trees and wood its not a good idea to own and operate a backhoe, theres a lot of murphys laws working against you on any given day, more so than guys working in the timber and its higher priced as well.   

[WH_Conley]

# 73, I agree.

# 77, the line crosses me without an easement.

[LAZERDAN]

5 stop and go light on the way to church in a one mile streach, hit every one every sunday , no matter what time you leave.  Not only church but anywhere important or hurried.  Where did these 4 lane hwys come from in my small town      

[Randy88]

79   The higher priced the thing you destroy the less likely it is covered by your insurance.

80.   No matter what you did destroy someone sells insurance that could have saved you money but you'll never again do the same stupid stunt to ever get use of the insurance you bought to cover it in case you do need it again, that way you spend the money on insurance too late to ever need it and the premiums over time will out weigh the benefit it'll ever give you even if you do need it, its called an insurance racket or others refer to it as distribution of wealth, yours.

81   If you do have insurance to cover what you need it for chances are there's a loophole in the policy somewhere that limits coverage, or refer to #76

82    My wife says the reason why men are attracted to expensive hobbies is women are smart enough to know its cheaper to just hire a qualified professional or have less expensive hobbies that don't require the need for insurance, 911 logged in your phone, a need for emergency medical help or er visits, or involve alcohol, friends or the phrase "that's a new one, I never thought it would do that" or "did you guys see that" or have what you did make the newspaper headlines or have those at the coffee shop talk about you, and in the conversation the term idiot or moron are involved.   

83.   No man is immune from the temptation of attempting to do something they are smart enough to know they probably should not do in the first place, where would the fun be in that, thus creating the setup of the smarter you are the dumber things your prone to do, a direct quote from my wife.

84.   No matter what physician is checking the cat scan or xray they still can tell how smart the individual is that's needing the scan in the first place, only that he has a brain, not weather its functioning at the time, she specifically asked that question as well.   

85.   Murphy's laws don't really apply to wives, they are not needed, also a direct quote from my wife, the older a woman gets the smarter she gets, added intelligence for having kids and wisdom for grandkids, the opposite is true for men that's why the older they get the more of the kid in them comes out, another quote from guess who.

86.   Now matter how smart you are chances are your gonna marry someone who's smarter than you, that one came from my kids.

87.   The older you get the less likely it will be to surprise anyone that knows you what you just did, another one from my kids.

88.   The longer your married the more the phrase, "now what did you do" will be used.   

[customsawyer]

89. When a customer says there is no nails in my logs make sure they understand they will still have to buy the blades that hit nails that are not in there.

[Randy88]

90.    Mother nature always has the upper hand and she can sense things that are never spoken verbally, I'm pretty sure she can read minds, its gotta be a woman thing, I think she's partly related to my wife.   

91.    The nicest tree in the whole timber [that you own] thats stood for a hundred years and you have saved as long as you can remember for lumber for a specific project will most likely be struck by lightning a few days before you cut it down and are prepared to saw for lumber for the awaited project, and damage the nicest logs in the whole tree.   Refer to #90

92.    Any father with several teenage daughters will need a wife and mother to translate and communicate with the daughters for the father will be clueless as to how to go about it on his own and will be more puzzled as to how in a few short years these same daughters will become for a future husband what their mother became for him, smarter, more diplomatic, not easily surpirsed by dumb stunts, knows whats going on at all times, can preditct the future and others upcoming actions and can sense danger, take care of problems daily.    And the father will be just speechless as to where this all came from for a few years before he didn't know how to even say hello or good morning without saying the wrong thing or having his wife tell him what to say and when to say it.   My wife says its because she needed a "project" of her own to be responsible for.

93.    The more men think they know about women the more clueless they really are. 

94.    Any father awaits the day when their kids no longer keep needing assistance and help with their problems and can figure things out on their own, the phone stops ringing from school because they are in trouble all the time and the father says aloud to their mother, gosh its sure nice they have grown up enough to stay out of trouble and things are running smoothly and thats when she gets to tell him, no, now they are just smarter than you is all, they figured out how to keep you from knowing is all, nothing else has changed.   If your not married with kids eveyone should be and have kids, that way you truely find out how dumb you really are, its a humbling experience.

95.   Those that can't or haven't,  they teach or tell you how to, the less they know the more they claim to.

96.    Most parenting books are written by someone with either no kids or one kid

97.    Most experts on marriage will have been divorced at least once or you never hear from the spouse, they remain quiet.

98.    Money is the root of all evil, no not really, free time is, if your in doubt just go ask any government official if what your doing is ok.

99.    You'll spend your life working for somene, even if your self emplyeed, its always the banker, landowner, mill, family, equipment dealer, boss, foreman, board of dirctors, someone will always tell you what you can and can't do, the higher up the ladder you go the more influence others have over you, its just the opposite for kids, the older they get the less influence you have over them, others take your place in importance.

100.   Money can't buy happiness but poverty isn't the answer either,

101    Most experts aren't, refer to #95.96.97, they are just trying to make a buck off you and thats all.

102.   You should never do business with or listen to anyone who doesn't offer a guarantee, refer to #101, the amount of guarantee will determine how good they are, say for example politicians or government

103.   The higher priced something is the more likely it'll be they get more of your money, theres a direct relationship between cost and not necessarily quality but more so the distrubution of your wealth.

104.    When choosing between two purchases, most likely you'll chose the worse option and should have bought the other one instead, that one you didn't buy lasted for years and had the highest rating and resale value and gave those that bought it years of dependable service, the one you bought had recalls and will be a discontinued model in a few years resulting in only a few made.

105.   If in doubt as to weather you bought the right one or not just ask your spouse after you bought it, if you ask beforehand she'll always decide on the other one so just go get that one instead of trying to prove her wrong, it'll never happen anyhow.

106.   Washing macines and clothes dryers are expensive weather you own one or not, until you do own one, then they are higher priced than you ever imagined.   

107.    Washable crayons might be washable but are not dryable in a clothes dryer, don't let your kids read the box and draw conclusions from advertising, if they do refer to #106, speaking strictly from experience.   The power of advertising will go above and beyond what those putting in advertising will ever think can and will happen, plain and simple advertising works and then some.   

108.   Its not always a good thing to teach younger and younger kids to read, refer to #106,107, if you do at least take the time to read yourself what you put in front of your kids and give the box to the father and ask him what he sees and reads, the kid in him will most likely come out and he'll think what his kids will actually do, again #106,107

109   Its a lot funnier to have your kids go through the same things as you did, with their own children than it was at the time it happened to you, and its not really immoral to help out by giving the grandkids ideas either, remember your parents did the same for you, call it a teaching lesson.  The older you get the greater sense of humor you'll have, and nobody died from a garder snake in the house either that a 6 year old boy brought home and let loose, thats just a myth, maybe thats why your wife got smarter and you didn't.   

[Faron]

100.   Money can't buy happiness but poverty isn't the answer either,


You're getting pretty profound, there Randy! 

[sawguy21]

You got that right Faron. Sure beats being broke.

[Okrafarmer]

110. If you need to talk to somebody, they won't answer the phone, but if you dial a wrong number, they always pick up. 

[Okrafarmer]

111. If you ask a log yard if they have any of a special kind of log, they say they had some kicking around for months that nobody wanted, so they shipped it off for pulp yesterday.

112. If they send you a picture of a tree they want you to cut down, it's always bigger in person than it was in the photo. But if you are buying a log, it always looks smaller when you get there than it did in the photo.

113. The GPS will get you more lost than the map would have. But only when it really matters.

[bandmiller2]

Murphy's golden rule "he who has the gold makes the rules" Frank C.

[WDH]

114.  If it is a pecan or a hickory, it is nasty.  You will either hit a nail, or your blade's mind will wander.