A Funny Story

[Tom]

Back in my "corporate world" days,  we were waiting out a rain storm in the lunch room.  A bunch of us were standing at the window looking out over the parking lot at a torrential downpour.  One of the Salesman decided he was in too much of a hurry to wait any longer and said he was going to "make it" for his car.

I said, "Don't run real fast". " If you run then you run into all those raindrops and get wet all over,  If you slow down then only the ones falling straight down will get your head wet."

We watched him through the window as he ran about 5 steps.  Then, as if thinking, he slowed to a walk and slowly sauntered to his car on the far side of the parking lot.

We stood there in disbelief as he drove off.  

I don't know if anybody ever said anything to him later,  I didn't, and wonder if he still walks in the rain today.

Do you reckon you would stay dry if you just stood real still in a downpour?  I'll have to try that on somebody else sometime.....another salesman maybe.

[Bibbyman]

I fellow about five miles south of me bought a Wood-Mizer mill one year after I did.  While I had worked around sawmills and logging all my life,  he had really no experience to start with.  But we became friends and worked to our mutual advantage rather then compete. There was plenty of work for both of us.  He soon ramped up and we were exchanging ideas and techniques regularly.

On one visit, he was moaning and groaning about some difficult customers he had been working with.  I listened for some time as he went through the list of aggravations and problems he had had with these customers.  Then he ended by asking me how I handled difficult customers.  “I send them to you.” Was my comeback.

He caught that comeback in an instant and it sure took him by surprise. He had to laugh as he was making disparaging comments about my family heritage.

[Tom]

That's a good one to remember.

I need a notebook for stuff like that.  It's usually 30 minutes later that I realize what I should have said.  Kind'a loses some of it's impact then.

[Tom]

I ate lunch with two of my "old timers" today.  Somehow the subject turned to going barefooted.

(you need to read re-a-a-l slow for effect now)

John S. said "In Colquitt, Ga. we never wore any shoes and our feet got pretty tough". "One Fall it was getting cold and my brother got up on the hearth to warm up."

"Daddy said, 'LP you've got your foot on a hot ember', and LP said 'which one Daddy' ".

[Jeff]

My Dad's Family was very poor, there were 8 boys and 2 girls. The oldest, Lena, left the farm to get married and work in Flint. She returned one weekend to visit bringing a surprise for all the boys, something new they had never seen or had before. Bananas! Later in the day my uncle Donus came into the house complaining to Lena, that even though he had thrown away "the Cob" those bananas had upset his stomach.

[Bibbyman]

We’ve got an old, prominent family around here that was among the first settlers.  I know a number of brothers in this one branch of the family – all are well over retirement age now.  

One told that they went barefooted all the time when they were young.  He said their feet were so tough, they at just after sundown they would run down the gravel road and slide on the gravel just to see the sparks fly from under their feet.  And back then we used creek gravel what was a mixture of all types of rock – including flint, granite, and such.

[Tom]

In 1963 I was fishing for Snook in my home town of Ft. Pierce, Florida.  A Snook is a large game fish with delicious white meat .likened to Speckled Perch (Crappie).  He is long and slender with a powerful tail, a large mouth with no teeth but sharp gill plates.  He is silver in color with a single thin black line that runs down his lateral line from just behind his gills to his tail.
 
We were fishing for meat.  Fun was secondary.  Fish was a staple to us and we only fished for fun once we had our freezers filled.  We young bucks were responsible for filling the freezers of several families.

The limit was 4 per day and the minimum size was 18 inches.  we usually threw back anything less than 10 lbs and were looking for fish in the 25 to 30 lb range.

I snatched several glass minnows on a small treble hook out of a minnow bank  and threw it about 10 feet off of the jetty rocks into the ocean just outside of the surf.  

There were Jack Crevalle, Blue Runners, Flounder, Lady Fish, Spanish Mackerel, King Mackerel, Bonita and an occasional Shark feeding in a frenzy all up and down the Jetty.

Something grabbed my hook and took off South.  My reel, a Penn Squidder loaded with 15 lb line, screamed and smoked.  Whatever it was didn't run and stop,  it was leaving the country.  The only thing I could think it may be was a Bonito but this fish was following the beach and Bonito usually went to deep water.

After what amounted to about 10 minutes, felt like 10 hours, he stopped and I started reeling him in .  It was just a dead weight and I could see him on the surface of the water.  I would pump and reel, pump and reel.  Finally I got him to the Jetties and found that I had caught a 6 lb Snook by the tail.  There wasn't a hook in him.  

He had struck at the minnows and missed, the treble hook had wrapped around him, back onto the line  and lassoed his tail.  That's why I couldn't stop him.  He had run until he could run no more......I turned him loose,  What spirit.

...............and that's the truth.

Here's where it happened and this is what it looked like 38 years ago(except for the color of the old slide).........and yep, that's me.

[CHARLIE]

Back in about '75, I was fishing for striped bass at the base of the Oronoco Power Dam using a little yellow jig. It was getting dark so I decided to make one last cast. All of a sudden, something hit and started stripping my line out. I had visions of a 15 pound Northern. I tightened the drag and it took me forever to fight that fish to shore. It turned out to be a 5 pound carp that the hook had snagged in the tailfin. We were both plumb tuckered out. What a fight that was though. We weren't supposed to turn carp loose, but I figured that one had earned another chance.

[CHARLIE]

WORKING WITH TOM :-/

This story is what I really started out to tell before I got sidetracked with that fish story. Anyway, I'm what used to be called a "pencil pusher" but since we don't use pencils anymore, I reckon I'm a "keyboard pounder" which equates to not being in the best of shape.

My Sweetwife had a business trip to Orlando, so I took the opportunity to fly down with her and visit Old Tom and work a couple of days as his helper.

After a good breakfast we climbed up into his big flatbed truck (has a grab bar to help get up into it). The temp was 95 degrees (no shade, cause the trees were now logs)and high humidity.

Tom started sawing and I was pulling the slabs and boards off the mill. Dang it, that was hard work when the man only cuts 2 bys. I said, "Tom, don't you ever cut any 1 bys?" "Nope" Tom says, "Not if I can help it. Ya get more board feet with less cuts that way" I'm thinking..."Sheeesh these green 16' 2" X 12"'s?" are heavy. I was drenched with sweat. It was dripping from the bill of my cap.

At 1:00pm Tom says, "Let's break for lunch." I had visions of climbing into that truck, driving into town and having a burger and a taaaall glass of ice tea with ice chickling around inside. But instead, Tom looked under the seat of his truck, threw his son a can of corn, threw me a can of peas and he took a can of sliced peaches.

We opened the cans and Tom and his son took their spoons and went over and sat on the front end loader on the tractor. I said, "Tom, you got a spoon?" Tom said, "Nope, you'll have to carve yourself one." and threw me his knife. I selected a piece of pine and carved a fine spoon and went over to the front end loader (still out in the hot sun).

I ate the peas and said, "Tom, is this all you got?" Tom says, "Yep, If'n ya eat too much you won't want to work." I'm thinking....For what I'm getting paid, I don't see that as a problem. After a 15 minute lunch Tom says, "Well boys, lets get back at it. He sawed 16' 2 X 12s 'til 5:00pm before he said, "Let's go home."

Now I tell ya...I was one wet whupped puppy and my arms felt like they were 6' long. I was so tired I could hardly climb up into that big truck.  While he was driving home, I got all stiffened up.

He stopped at his mailbox (which is dang near a mile from his house) and said, "Would you get the mail?" I looked at him like he was nuts! He was actually asking me to move! Geeeez that was tough climbing down, getting the mail and climbing back up. Then, to top it off, when we got to his house, Tom proceeded to give me a lesson on how to sharpen a chainsaw. Of course the lesson was out in the hot sun standing next to the back of the truck and all I wanted to do was sit down and not move.

I was dieing at this point. But all in all it turned out pretty nice. He built a fire and threw on a 5 pound chunk of meat. While it cooked, we sipped on a pint of Jack, chased grasshoppers and fed 'em to the fish.

That Christmas Tom sent me my wooden spoon, framed in a thick chunk of aromatic cedar and labeled..."Pea Spoon". It's hanging in my office. Whew. Now I'm tired just thinking about that day. By the way, the next day was a repeat. I was glad to get back to my workplace so I could rest.

[Jeff]

Tom told me if I ever ventured down there, we would go fish'n!

[RavioliKid]

Charlie,

What a story! Have you ever accepted another invitation from Tom?

I'd think twice!

[CHARLIE]

Yeah, I think I was down there once after that, but I didn't offer to help him saw wood. Instead, he took me up into South Georgia to show me some 20" plus wide Longleaf pine boards he had sawn for Doctor's lodge by a river. Amazing! We then did a little looking around an old 1800's homesite with his metal detector for fun and also found the Doctor's key to his lodge that he'd lost a couple of years earlier. Tom left that in an envelope in the lodge. Then, we went to a restaurant in a tiny town that had the best buffet I've ever seen. Everything fresh, nothing overcooked. Only problem with it was that I ate too much.

[Bibbyman]

Charlie’s story about helping Tom and his elegant lunch reminded me of my youthful days when I helped dad in the stave timber.

Day after day, week after week, year after year, lunch was the same: a half loaf of Wonder sandwich bread,  a can of Treet (like Spam), small can of Van-Camp pork and beans, and a 16-oz, glass bottle of Coke.  The only variation allowed was that sometimes we’d split a package of snowball cakes for dessert.

On the really hot days,  I’d wrap the bottle of Coke with a rag and wet it in a stream or with water out of the jug.  The evaporation of the water would cool it at least to below body temperature.  

Come dinner time (12 noon for our northerners friends) dad would dig out his pocketknife and wipe the blade on his pants leg in some clean place and slice the Treet – using the plastic bread sack for a carving plate. He’d take two slices and make one sandwich for himself.  I was a growing boy and I’d eat the rest.  We seldom had a bottle opener – we’d just find a sharp edge on the bumper or door latch and set the edge of the cap on it and bump it with a fist.  The beans were divided into the can the Treet came out of.  Sometimes we’d forget spoons so we’d eat the beans with a bent lid and the Treet can lid – carefully!  

I’ve eaten many a lunch in the thick of the forest on insufferable hot days with sweat and grime and flies and bugs.  Hands grimy from black off the tractor steering wheel,  bar oil, chainsaw gas and dirt.  But when you’re hungry,  it tasted good.  And you didn’t miss the elegant china, a dozen pieces of flatware and fancy napkins.

If you read my earlier post about the meal Mrs. Fergurson fixed for us in the middle of the night long ago, you remember the list of fancy restaurants I’ve eaten in.  I’ve often set with a group of men at these tables and listened to them complain that they couldn’t chouse between the lobster and the Prime Rib – nothing looked good.  I’ve often smiled inside thinking of my meals “al-fresco” with dad and thought: “I’d bet if you’d been working all morning in the hot, humid woods even Treet on Wonder bread served of a stump would taste real good.”

[Tom]

OH yeah, I've been there.....both places.  I think the spam and coke tasted better than the lobster in the Air conditioning.  

A 10 minute rest in the woods feels better than the Office politics after a "corporate" dinner too.

[CHARLIE]

SEEEEE! WhadItellya! Did ya read Tom's note? He said 10 minute lunch break. I even gave him the benefit of the doubt and said 15 minutes. SHEESH! A slave driver! And SPAM?  Don't let him kid ya, I didn't see any SPAM.....just peas, corn, and sliced peaches.....unless he was hoarding that SPAM for himself.

By the way, Hormel makes SPAM and their main plant is in Austin, Minnesota about a 40 minute drive from Rochester (SE Minnesota). Every year they have SPAM Days and if you want you can eat SPAM 24 ways from Sunday. Oooooooeeeee. Is that good? I'm not so sure.

Bibbyman, I enjoyed your stories about the best meal and your meals in the woods when working with your Dad. I've had a few like that. Ya just don't worry about your hands and wiping the knife on the pants is sort of a gesture.

Jeff, if Tom told you he'd take you fishing.....he will. He's a natural fisherman and a lot better at it than I'd ever be. He can clean about 3 fish to my one too......or maybe I just clean fish slow so he cleans more....I wonder which it is?       I wish you'd go on down there and make him take you fishing. I think Tom has forgot that a guy should take a break from work. I bet he hasn't been fishing in a long time. :-/

[Tom]

I was about 9 years old and Granddaddy had given me my first gun. A Winchester single shot 410 made in the 1890's. He would give me one #8 shell and send me out in the field hunting.  When I shot that one I would hike back to where he was working and he would give me another one.

My cousin form Orlando came to visit one weekend and we were hunting out at the farm.  Because John was a little older and much more firearm knowledgable, Granddaddy gave me 3 or 4 shells.

I shot a dove from the power line that crossed the property and ran over to pick it up.

"John! It's still alive...should I shoot it again?"
John was 50 yards or better from me and said "Yeah, I guess so".

BOOM...........!

The bird couldn't have been 10 feet from me and the 410 was full choke.  There was nothing but a dusting of feathers coming back down from about 6 feet.

That was quite a lesson.  I found out just how destructive a little 410 could be.

Gun's didn't do that in the cowboy movies.

[CHARLIE]

I remember that one.  I always taught my son to respect the power of a gun. They have a  good program here in Minnesota where they require children to take a gun safety class before they can go hunting. According to my son, they show a movie that graphically shows what guns can do to careless people...and that left an imprint on his mind. Every state should require children to take a gun safety class even if they don't plan to hunt.

Earlier, Bibbyman told of his lunches of Treet sandwiches and then Tom mentioned Spam. I then said that Homel made Spam not 40 minutes from where I work. My Father-in-law served in the Merchant Marine during WWII and to this day won't eat Spam. Anyway, the SpamJam Festival is coming close. Y'all might want to take a look at
http://www.spam-jam.com/home.htm     Who knows...you might want to plan your vacation around it.

Tom, your story reminds me of the time Ben and I (musta been 14 at the time) were hunting and Ben  winged a high flying mallard with his 20 gauge. It circled and landed not more than 100 feet from us in the marsh. Ben went out to get it and the dang thing was swimming around. Ben was scared to pick it up and was going to shoot it and was chasing it around with the gun not more than 10 feet from the duck. What a sight! I had remembered what you had done to that dove and hollered to Ben to backoff and I'd dispatch the duck for him. I wrung his dainty little neck.    

[RavioliKid]

Okay, I can't top these great stories about privation and hard work, so how about an unusual meal story?

When I was in college back in the mid 70's, I spent a semester in Spain. This was really my first time on my own, and I wasn't used to spending money. I didn't know how long it would last, so I was very careful with my funds.

After the semester ended, a friend and I had Eurail passes and we set off to discover the marvels of Europe.

The first leg of our trip was from Valencia to Barcelona. We spent hours and hours crammed in a compartment with a family. They looked at us with great suspicion and hurried out of the train compartment as quickly as possible at the end of the journey.

For some reason, it seems that Spaniards regarded us as loose women. It was explained to us once that we looked Swedish, and everyone knows what Swedes are like.

In their haste, they left behind their dinner - a rotisseried chicken, bread and wine.

We hesitated for a minute or two, to see if they would return. Then, we scooped up the windfall and headed for the nearest park for a dinner al fresco.

Incidentally, my friend and I spent a per diem amount of $8.52 each on our travels - and that included everything except the train travel between cities.

Ah, those were the good old days!

[Tom]

 
Wow! That's a great story. Overseas on a budget tour.  Are you sure it was a Chicken?

I'll bet you came back with more stories than that Rav.  Come on........clear out the cobwebs.....let's hear'em.

I can never be so lucky.  Me and a buddy hitched to Atlanta when we were 13 with hardly any coins at all.  Stayed in a $1.00 hotel room because we were afraid to sleep in the underground (before they commercialized it) and bought a loaf of hard bread and some cheese for supper.   We couldn't get back to school fast enough the next day.  Thought we were going to starve to death or get mugged in a dark alley.

Are you still on Vacation?  What are you doing now?

[RavioliKid]

Tom,

I'm back at home - we got home this afternoon. I don't have to go back to school until August 20, but there will be some non-mandatory training offered at the beginning of August, which I will probably take. I might be taking another trip in a week or so, if I got into the workshop I applied to in NYC. Otherwise, I'd be just as pleased to stay home and get things in order here.

As to the other stories, I'll have to shake my brains. Hmm...how about the time Kathy and I quaffed a few brews at the Hofbrau House in Munich and then kissed the sailors in the subway on our way back to the Youth Hostel?

Ah, youth!